I Don't Feel Guilty About Unfollowing On Social Media and Neither Should You

Cardigan- & Other Stories

Trousers- New Look

Bag- ASOS (sold out, similar here)

Shoes- Converse

Necklaces- Missoma X Lucy Williams Mini Fang Necklace & Missoma Body Language ‘A’ Initial Necklace

I spend A LOT of time on social media, an embarrassing amount of time to be honest. The new iPhone feature that tells you your daily and weekly screen time has made me very aware of this. On average, I probably spend about 2 hours a day on Instagram, according to my phone. That’s 14 hours a week, 60 hours a month, 730 hours a year! I’ve tried SO much to cut down on my screen time but, mostly, it feels like a losing game. The truth is, we live in a society that is addicted to social media so breaking the habit of scrolling isn’t as easy as we might think.

So if I am inevitably going to be spending this much time on social media, I want it to be a positive space. I want it to add something to my life! I definitely don’t want it to make me feel bad about myself or my life. I recently watched Lucy Moon’s video about organising her life and putting mindful habits into place for the new year and one of the things she did was go through all of her Twitter and Instagram followers and unfollowed anyone who didn’t inspire her or wasn’t her friend. I thought taking the time out to do this was such a good idea as I’ve never gone through my followers in this way and I had been thinking a lot about how I wanted to make social media a more positive and productive space.

So I did just that! I started with Twitter because I’ve been using Twitter for a long time, probably about 8 years if not more, and I’d never really thought about who I’m following. Plus, Twitter had been one of the spaces I found to be stressful because of the sheer amount of words that were thrown at me, many of which were from people I’m not really in touch with anymore or accounts that I’m just no longer interested in, which meant I was consuming a lot of information that wasn’t really positive or productive for me.

Like Lucy, I wanted to continue following all of my friends, as well as accounts that I find inspiring, informative and/or positive. I didn’t actually check how many people I followed before my ‘cleanse’ but I think it was between 400-600 people and I now only follow 113 people on Twitter. My following now mostly includes my friends, bloggers/social media people whose lives I find interesting, authors and musicians and newspapers/online platforms that I enjoy (e.g. Man Repeller and The New York Times).

Even one day after my little unfollowing spree, I noticed how much more I was enjoying scrolling through my Twitter feed, and it’s actually meant that I’ve gone on Twitter less too because there isn’t as much to see so I don’t have an excuse to endlessly carry on scrolling.

I haven’t finished ‘cleansing’ my Instagram following yet, purely because it was taking a little longer as I have to look at everyone’s feeds and decide whether I think they’re adding something to my life (in the form of inspiration, positivity or information) rather than, like with Twitter, just knowing straight away whether this is the case. But I know when I do get the chance to finish clearing up my Instagram, it’s going to make scrolling there so much more positive for me too.

Despite the fact that I am doing all of this unfollowing to make social media a better space for me personally, there is still some guilt in unfollowing. Even if you haven’t spoken to someone for years, it can feel a little bitchy or arrogant to unfollow people. But it really isn’t! It’s a positive thing for you and your mental health. And after seeing how much my social media use changed for the better after doing my little ‘cleanse’, I really don’t feel guilty about it all.

I personally wouldn't be offended one bit if someone wanted to unfollow me, for whatever reason. Whether it’s because we’re not in touch anymore and they’re no longer interested in what I get up to or if it’s just that they just don’t find my content particularly interesting or inspiring! That’s fine! I feel like I’d have to be pretty vain to think that everyone is going to care about my life enough to hear about it pretty much every day.

Unfollowing people is an act of self-care, which means it’s absolutely nothing personal towards the people you’re unfollowing, in fact it’s the complete opposite, it’s all about you! And it’s okay to be selfish here. You can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t have to and if people are going to be offended that you’ve unfollowed them, it really is their own problem/issue, not yours.

So if you do have some free time over the next few days, take out an hour or two to go through your following lists on social media and cleanse it of anyone/anything that isn’t a positive influence on your life. If you spend as much time on social media as I do, it’s kind of necessary for it to be a source of positivity because if it isn’t, just think how that amount of time spent in a negative space will affect you, your mental health and your general mood. And please don’t feel guilty about it! You should never feel guilty for looking after yourself and if people are going to make you feel guilty about that, they’re not really people you want in your life anyway, so you know you’ve made the right decision in unfollowing them!

I’d love to hear how you feel about unfollowing on social media. Is ‘cleansing’ your following something you already do regularly or have you never thought about it before? Is your screen time as high as mine (please say yes)? Let me know in the comments or send me a message over on social media, speak of the devil!

Despite the fact that I’ve just referred to it as satanic, social media and a high screen time does not necessarily need to be a bad thing, as it’s often made out to be. If you can make your social media into a space that provides inspiration, positivity, information, or whatever else it is you want to get from it, it can be an amazing place to spend your time!

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How I Wind Down & Relax Before Bed | Dealing with Anxiety at Night

As you may know if you’ve read my blog before (or if you know me in real life), I’m a bit of a worrier. I mean, that’s the understatement of the year to be honest, and we’re only 20 days in!

I’ve suffered with anxiety for a few years now and it’s always at its worse in the evenings. On a good day, my anxiety will start to materialise bit by bit (usually in the from of a stomach ache, feeling sick and/or jittery) as as it starts to get dark, on a bad day I often feel totally unable to cope with the amount of time I’m allowed to be left alone with my own thoughts during the evening.

This is why it has been essential for me to create a relaxing evening routine. I see my evening routine as a ritual, something I do every day to tell my brain that it’s time to settle down and to stop thinking about anything that might be stressing me out. And, so far, having a routine has really helped me.

Some days I do the bare minimum of this routine and sometimes I go all out, depending on how much time I have and how I feel that day. But I thought I’d go through the extended version of it with you step by step, in the hope that it might encourage or inspire you to find ways that you can wind down in the evening, especially if you struggle with them like I do.

I’d also like to point out that skincare is a really big part of how I wind down in the evening and I was actually going to include my skincare routine in this post. But, it’s fairly long and I wanted to go through it in detail so I’ve given it it’s own post, which you can read here if you’d like!

But here are the other ways in which I wind down in the evenings that I’d really recommend to everyone, whether you struggle with nights or not …

RE chocolate on the bedside table: if all else fails resort to something sweet and comforting i.e. your favourite chocolate

1. Relaxing Yoga and/or Meditation

I hope the suggestion of exercise before bed hasn't put you off already! The type of yoga I do before bed isn’t really exercise at all anyway. It’s mostly just lying down, usually with a pillow or blanket and focussing on my breathing, with a bit of easy stretching thrown in there. This is probably the step in my bedtime routine I skip the most due to laziness. But if I’m feeling really stressed or anxious before bed, I’ll always roll out my mat and take this time to myself. The only at home yoga practice I follow is Yoga With Adriene, who creates weekly yoga videos and is just brilliant. She has yoga for every mood but her bedtime yoga practices are particularly great.

Instead, or as well, as yoga, sometimes I do a little bit of meditation. It’s not something I’m totally convinced on as I often just sit there mentally-planning tomorrow’s to do list. But sometimes it does help me take some time for myself when I’ve had a busy/stressful day.

I’ve never done a meditation practice longer than 5 minutes because I’m almost sure I wouldn’t be able to get through a practice longer than that and I don’t want to make myself feel bad, so I stick to the 3-5 minute sessions. I use the app Headspace, although I don’t pay for it so I am very limited on my choice of practices. I would really recommend their beginners series though!

2. A Little Bit of Netflix

This is probably the one that I do manage every night! I’m not a big movie watcher but I LOVE a series. I think I like them because of the familiarity and comfort they provide and also because they’re usually only 30-60 minutes which is a lot more do-able and less intimidating than a 2 and a half hour film.

Anyway, I don’t need to tell you how good Netflix and TV is, you already know. I know the blue lights are supposed to be bad for sleep but, personally, I love the escapism TV provides before bed and it really allows me to get out of my own head and concentrate on something other than my own life. Some of my favourite escapist, easy-to-watch TV shows include Jane The Virgin, Crazy Ex Girlfriend and The Good Place, but there are many more.

3. Sleepy Candles

I was given a lavender candle just over a year ago as a Christmas present and since then, I will never go back. Burning a lavender (or any ‘sleepy’ smelling) candle before bed is so relaxing, not only because of the smell but because lighting a candle really feels like a ritual and a sensory reminder to your body that this is the time to relax.

I’m currently using this candle that I got for Christmas and I also have a This Works one ready and waiting to go, which is very exciting!

4. Some One on One Time with My Current Book of Choice

Even for people who don’t particularly like reading, I think reading before bed is something everyone should try! It might work, similarly to Netflix, in that it allows you to escape your own world, or it might work that you’re so bored you fall asleep. I choose to read before bed because of the former reason but whatever works for you is good!

Sometimes I read 2 pages before bed, sometimes I give myself an hour and read 40- it just depends how I’m feeling and how much university-related reading I’ve already done that day. The book I’m reading in these photos is Refinery29’s Money Diaries, which is all about how to sort your finances out. It’s not exactly the most relaxing book to read before bed, but sometimes because it’s slower it helps me to fall asleep. Plus, I only really like reading one book (for fun) at a time so I just read whatever I’m currently reading before bed. If you’re really struggling with reading, I have a blog post all about how to get back into it.

5. Pillow Spray the Day Away

Finally, we have my ultimate nightly ritual, the pillow spray! I’ve been skeptical of the humble pillow spray before, but after trying it, I don’t think I could ever go back. I use the This Works Deep Sleep Pillow Spray, which smells like a dream. It’s not really the smell that helps me relax though, it’s the ritual of spraying it and telling my body ‘it’s time to relax and sleep now’, much like the candles.

I sometimes use a de-stressing roller ball too if I feel like I need it. I like the This Works one and the Liberty one that they created in partnership with Aromatherapy. I also like doing a face mask before bed. They don’t even have to have a ‘sleepy smell’, I just find them super relaxing, even if it is a cliche. I talk a little bit more about this in my evening skincare routine blog post.

I hope you’re feeling inspired to have a relaxing evening tonight! If you’re reading this on a Sunday, which is when it’s going up, tonight is such a good time to carve out some time to relax and set yourself up for a great week. The time is so worth it as it will do wonders for your mental health, your quality of your sleep and therefore your happiness and productivity levels! If it’s not Sunday, start tonight anyway, I really hope an evening routine helps you as much as it has helped me!

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Healthy Habits I'm Putting Into Place In 2019

Jumper- Urban Outfitters (old, similar here)

Necklace- ASOS

Jeans- Topshop (old, but these ones are basically the same)

We’re almost a week in to 2019 and this first week has been a weird one. I was expecting a rush of motivation and excitement about my work, but the reality is that a large part of my University work is just as dull to me as it was before Christmas, if not more! I’m trying not to put to much pressure on myself to feel super motivated though. After all, just because the calendar year has changed, it doesn’t mean anything else has or that it should.

That’s why when I was setting my New Years Resolutions, I tried not to make them too far-reaching or pressurised because that’s just not helpful. I know some people are totally against the idea of New Years Resolutions but I, for one, like them. They’re a good opportunity to take some time to think about what you’d like to do and how you’d like your life to be in the next 12 months and a year is a good amount of time to set and work towards any goals you want to reach.

Some of my New Years Resolutions are more goals based, although, like I said, none of them are too ambitious because I don’t want to be putting pressure on myself. But today I thought I’d just share my resolutions that are more about habits I want to introduce into my life, mostly to look after myself. In fact, more than half of my New Years Resolutions are focussed on self-care because the last 3(ish) years of my life I’ve been really difficult for me and my mental health and I don’t think I’ve focussed on looking after myself enough. So I’m hoping 2019 is going to be the year of self-care for me! Work and everything else is important but I can’t do any of it if I’m not functioning properly, so here are the ways in which I’m going to try and ensure I can be a fully(ish) functioning human in 2019…

1. Have A Day Off Every Week

   This one is going to be the most important for me. Being a student, it often feels like if you’re not working 24/7 at unusual hours, you’re not doing enough. I don’t know where this attitude has come from but it’s well and truly embedded in student culture, at least at my University, and is upheld by most students. But as December came around last year and I felt not only physically and mentally exhausted but completely drained and bored by my work, I realised that this culture of overworking is not only harmful to my mental health, but also to my studies and the quality of my work.

   I was literally counting down the days until the Christmas break because I was so desperate to just not think about work for a period of time. But as the Christmas break came to an end (it only really lasted about a week because I have January essays and exams) a feeling of complete dread came over me, and I was becoming so anxious and feeling really down about the thought of starting work again.

   So I started thinking about my options. Dropping out of Uni? Doing barely any work and scraping a pass? Working myself to death and feeling miserable? None of these options seemed like they would have positive effects. And then I realised, what about if I take a day off every week? I wasn’t really sure if it was possible because of my workload. But I’ve thought about it and put some plans into place and realised, not only is it possible, but it’s going to be so positive for me, my social life, my mental health and (I hope) the quality of my University work.

   I am still going to be doing blogging related ‘work’ on my day off, which is going to be on a Sunday, because, firstly, I don’t really have time to do it during the week very much and, secondly, because blogging doesn’t really feel like work to me. But my university work is going to be restricted to Monday-Saturday, no exceptions. My next habit will explain how this is going to be possible…

2. Get Into A Working Routine

As mentioned, student culture tells you that if you’re not staying up all night to work, you’re not really doing enough. But I’ve come to realise that this is only true for people who don’t wake up until the afternoon or would rather abandon their work for 3 weeks and, instead, pull a couple of all nighters and get it done then.

But, personally, I’m happy to get up at a normal time (pre-7am is kind of impossible but waking up at 7:30/8 feels completely fine for me). I also generally feel quite anxious in the evenings, so this really isn’t the best time for me to be trying to complete important work. I actually feel my best, and therefore do my best work, in the day time.

So I’ve decided that from Monday-Friday, my work hours will, mostly, be restricted to 10-6. I’ve gone with 10am because that’s when my University day usually starts (i.e. this is when most of my lectures and seminars start) and 6pm because an 8 hour working day feels like a good amount.

My working routine prior to 2019 was kind of similar to this, but some Wednesday afternoons, for example, I would decide to have a nap or go shopping, which would mean working into Wednesday night and feeling utterly exhausted the next day. Or sometimes it would just mean falling behind on my work which would mean I didn’t have a day off in months (Uni work can catch up on you very quickly). I don’t think I’ll be able to stick to this routine 100% but I think I can stick to it for about 90% of the time, which is enough.

So I’m hoping to be able to stick to this routine and, in doing so, I should be able to get enough work done during the week that I can always have my Sundays to myself. Oh, and on Saturday’s I want to do about 5 hours work, giving myself an extra 3 hours to sleep or socialise. It’s probably going to be an 11-4 working day or something like that, we’ll see!

3. Get Out In Nature At Least Once A Week

I am lucky enough, when I’m home from Uni, to have a beautiful beach literally on my doorstep, as you can see from these photos. But I just don’t make the most of it enough! Every time I visit, I vow to go more often as it’s so relaxing and refreshing to be by the sea. But I always forget or let life get on top of me. So this year I’d really like to get out in nature and head to the beach (or wherever else I fancy in the great outdoors) at least once a week, probably on my day off.

Whether it’s on my own or with my family, friends or boyfriend, I think it will be really beneficial for my mental health. I also think it will benefit me creatively, as I always feel super inspired after getting out in nature!

4. Exercise At Least Three Times A Week

On top of my weekly walk in nature, I’d also like to exercise at least three times a week. I started going to the gym (after a 2 year hiatus) in October, when I was going through a bit of a shit time with my mental health, as I was hoping it would help relieve some stress and clear my head. And it did! It really made me feel better and ‘lighter’. So this year I’d like to commit to exercising three times a week, at least.

It’s an easy habit to fall out of but as long as I’m paying for a gym membership, I generally feel motivated to go as it’s something I can’t really afford so if I am going to be paying for it every month, I feel the need to make the most of it.

I’m also doing Yoga With Adriene’s 30 Days of Yoga challenge this month, which, as the name suggests, means I will be doing yoga every day for 30 days. I’ve attempted this challenge every year for the last few years now, and have completed it a couple of times. It’s difficult both physically and mentally but it also has SO many benefits. Hopefully there will be a blog post on my experience with it when (if) I finish it!

5. Write More For The Love of Writing

I spend A LOT of my time writing, from blog posts to essays to Instagram captions. But I’ve fallen out of the habit of writing for myself, that is writing that is limited to my eyes only. Journalling is something I’ve tried and given up on, and tried and given up on a whole lot over the years and I’m still not really sure how I feel about it. But I’d really just like to pick up a pen and write about my surroundings, my feelings, my day or anything else I fancy more often as it is something I enjoy and I feel as though writing when you know no one else is going to see the words on the page is a really relaxing and freeing experience.

So there we have it! The habits I want to introduce to my life in 2019. Maybe I’ll do an ‘update’ blog post on how they’re all going in 6 months time, and then one at the end of the year? Maybe not though, if they’ve all gone to shit…

But I’m optimistic! I know that implementing all of these habits will have a really positive effect on my life, so hopefully my perfectionist mindset won’t get in the way of them. I’d love to hear about your New Years Resolutions, especially if any of them are centred around self-care, in the comments or over on my social media! Do also let me know if any of you’re thinking of introducing any similar habits into your life as well!

Oh, and FYI, blog posts at Words By Alice are going to be weekly from now on. There might be an extra post every now and then but as a general rule, there will be one new blog post a week every Sunday. So I’ll see you back here next Sunday!

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