I Don't Feel Guilty About Unfollowing On Social Media and Neither Should You
Cardigan- & Other Stories
Trousers- New Look
Bag- ASOS (sold out, similar here)
Shoes- Converse
Necklaces- Missoma X Lucy Williams Mini Fang Necklace & Missoma Body Language ‘A’ Initial Necklace
I spend A LOT of time on social media, an embarrassing amount of time to be honest. The new iPhone feature that tells you your daily and weekly screen time has made me very aware of this. On average, I probably spend about 2 hours a day on Instagram, according to my phone. That’s 14 hours a week, 60 hours a month, 730 hours a year! I’ve tried SO much to cut down on my screen time but, mostly, it feels like a losing game. The truth is, we live in a society that is addicted to social media so breaking the habit of scrolling isn’t as easy as we might think.
So if I am inevitably going to be spending this much time on social media, I want it to be a positive space. I want it to add something to my life! I definitely don’t want it to make me feel bad about myself or my life. I recently watched Lucy Moon’s video about organising her life and putting mindful habits into place for the new year and one of the things she did was go through all of her Twitter and Instagram followers and unfollowed anyone who didn’t inspire her or wasn’t her friend. I thought taking the time out to do this was such a good idea as I’ve never gone through my followers in this way and I had been thinking a lot about how I wanted to make social media a more positive and productive space.
So I did just that! I started with Twitter because I’ve been using Twitter for a long time, probably about 8 years if not more, and I’d never really thought about who I’m following. Plus, Twitter had been one of the spaces I found to be stressful because of the sheer amount of words that were thrown at me, many of which were from people I’m not really in touch with anymore or accounts that I’m just no longer interested in, which meant I was consuming a lot of information that wasn’t really positive or productive for me.
Like Lucy, I wanted to continue following all of my friends, as well as accounts that I find inspiring, informative and/or positive. I didn’t actually check how many people I followed before my ‘cleanse’ but I think it was between 400-600 people and I now only follow 113 people on Twitter. My following now mostly includes my friends, bloggers/social media people whose lives I find interesting, authors and musicians and newspapers/online platforms that I enjoy (e.g. Man Repeller and The New York Times).
Even one day after my little unfollowing spree, I noticed how much more I was enjoying scrolling through my Twitter feed, and it’s actually meant that I’ve gone on Twitter less too because there isn’t as much to see so I don’t have an excuse to endlessly carry on scrolling.
I haven’t finished ‘cleansing’ my Instagram following yet, purely because it was taking a little longer as I have to look at everyone’s feeds and decide whether I think they’re adding something to my life (in the form of inspiration, positivity or information) rather than, like with Twitter, just knowing straight away whether this is the case. But I know when I do get the chance to finish clearing up my Instagram, it’s going to make scrolling there so much more positive for me too.
Despite the fact that I am doing all of this unfollowing to make social media a better space for me personally, there is still some guilt in unfollowing. Even if you haven’t spoken to someone for years, it can feel a little bitchy or arrogant to unfollow people. But it really isn’t! It’s a positive thing for you and your mental health. And after seeing how much my social media use changed for the better after doing my little ‘cleanse’, I really don’t feel guilty about it all.
I personally wouldn't be offended one bit if someone wanted to unfollow me, for whatever reason. Whether it’s because we’re not in touch anymore and they’re no longer interested in what I get up to or if it’s just that they just don’t find my content particularly interesting or inspiring! That’s fine! I feel like I’d have to be pretty vain to think that everyone is going to care about my life enough to hear about it pretty much every day.
Unfollowing people is an act of self-care, which means it’s absolutely nothing personal towards the people you’re unfollowing, in fact it’s the complete opposite, it’s all about you! And it’s okay to be selfish here. You can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t have to and if people are going to be offended that you’ve unfollowed them, it really is their own problem/issue, not yours.
So if you do have some free time over the next few days, take out an hour or two to go through your following lists on social media and cleanse it of anyone/anything that isn’t a positive influence on your life. If you spend as much time on social media as I do, it’s kind of necessary for it to be a source of positivity because if it isn’t, just think how that amount of time spent in a negative space will affect you, your mental health and your general mood. And please don’t feel guilty about it! You should never feel guilty for looking after yourself and if people are going to make you feel guilty about that, they’re not really people you want in your life anyway, so you know you’ve made the right decision in unfollowing them!
I’d love to hear how you feel about unfollowing on social media. Is ‘cleansing’ your following something you already do regularly or have you never thought about it before? Is your screen time as high as mine (please say yes)? Let me know in the comments or send me a message over on social media, speak of the devil!
Despite the fact that I’ve just referred to it as satanic, social media and a high screen time does not necessarily need to be a bad thing, as it’s often made out to be. If you can make your social media into a space that provides inspiration, positivity, information, or whatever else it is you want to get from it, it can be an amazing place to spend your time!
You might also like…
The Highs and Lows of Seasonal Dressing and Instagram 'Themes' | 9th Day of Christmas
Jumper- & Other Stories
Skirt- Miss Selfridge (Old-similar here)
Boots- & Other Stories (I bought these in store for 70% off but they’re full price on the website, so definitely check your local store before making an online purchase)
Seasonal dressing is something I’ve got into this year, specifically this autumn. And, no, by seasonal dressing I don’t mean wearing a coat in winter and dresses in summer (i.e. dressing according to the weather), I mean wearing colours, prints, textures and shapes that are specific to whatever season it is.
I think I got into it this autumn because the high street came up with such a wide array of those beautiful autumnal colours, you know, the rusts, the camels, the chocolate browns. Speaking of chocolate brown, I think it was THAT Topshop satin skirt that really made me step into the ballpark of seasonal dressing. I became obsessed with the colour of it and most of my purchases were shaped by looking for colours that would look best with it, and most of them happened to be part of autumn fashion’s colour palette.
In some ways, sticking to specific colours worked really well for me. It ensured that my shopping was focussed and that I thought a lot more about things would fit into my wardrobe, meaning I made less impulse purchases. It also made it easier to get dressed in the morning as most of the clothes at the front of my wardrobe were part of the same colour palette, so looked good paired together. I’d actually kind of started building my own capsule wardrobe based on each season.
However, after about a month or two of almost exclusively wearing shades of brown and red, the novelty wore off a little bit and I began to feel a little bit trapped by my own wardrobe, the one thing that is usually super freeing for me. So I was glad when December hit and the season’s colours changed to red, green and anything a little bit sparkly. I mean… I was glad for the first week. Then I realised that I don’t own that many red, green or sparkly things (which is why I’m wearing this & Other Stories jumper in these photos for the 100th time in the past fortnight). So, again, I'm feeling a little bit trapped.
I can hear you shouting at your screen, ‘Why, just wear some different colours then! Nobody’s holding a knife to your throat!’ But unfortunately, logical reader, my Instagram grid sometimes makes it feels like they are. The idea of a themed Instagram grid is something that I’ve never really been very good at, mostly because I don’t always use the same camera, I live in a different place during the week than I do on the weekend, I generally wear lots of different colours and I’m not very good at editing.
So I kind of just accepted that an Instagram theme wasn’t for me. But when I started to dress seasonally during Autumn, an Instagram theme started to develop through my outfit shots. Seemingly because of this, my following grew and I was really happy with the appearance of my Instagram for the first time ever! But whilst I was happy with how my social media looked, I still wanted to change the way I was dressing. So I had/have a few choices, 1. abandon the theme, dress how I want and share it to Instagram, 2. stick with the theme and only wear ‘seasonal’ clothes, 3. stick with the theme and only post photos when your clothes work for it.
I know this may seem trivial to many but how I dress and Instagram are two of the main ways in which I use my creativity so they’re important to me! But at the end of the day, I think my personal style is a better and more important creative outlet for me than my Instagram so, despite the fact that all of these choices require some sort of compromise, the first one seems like the best option for me.
After getting into these habits of seasonal dressing and having an Instagram ‘theme’, I’m finding them kind of difficult to step out of. But I think once we get into the months of January-March when the only way I could dress seasonally is by wearing black and grey all the time to match the weather, it will be a lot easier and I can make the most of all the textures and colours in my wardrobe.
Although dressing in this way has been testing at times, it’s got me thinking more and more about a capsule wardrobe. I love the way The Anna Edit does her capsule wardrobes seasonally and it seems to be an environmentally and purse-friendly way of making getting dressed easier. But, in all honesty, I think I just love buying new clothes and coming up with new outfits all the time too much to have any sense of uniform so maybe this isn’t the best option for me after all!
Who knows? Maybe after reading Anna’s new book that comes out in January, I’ll feel even more confident about the idea of a capsule wardrobe. But right now, as you can probably tell, my thoughts on seasonal dressing, capsule wardrobes and Instagram ‘themes’ are seriously conflicting. I’d love to know how you feel about these things in the comments or on social media so please do let me know! Until then, you probably will see me wearing mostly red and glitter until New Years Day, that is when I’m not exclusively wearing pyjamas.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Jumper-
Skirt- Topshop (currently sold out but they're re-stocking it quite regularly at the moment- I will post a link to my Twitter when/if it is re-stocked again)
Necklace-
Today's post was going to be an update on how I've been dealing with my anxiety, something I've been planning on writing for a few weeks. When I realised it was International Mental Health Day on Wednesday I thought this post would be even more apt. But it was ironically that day that made me change my mind. Although it's a great way of helping raise awareness of mental health issues, it meant that a lot of people were sharing their own stories of their own mental health problems, which, again, is a good way of helping to add to the evergrowing conversation around mental health. However, for me, I found listening to other people's stories overwhelming and triggering. It was one of the first times I've really had to make myself to put my phone down and stay off social media for the day/night because it became quite a negative space for me.
This got me thinking about how much of my life I wanted to be sharing on social media. On my blog in the past, I've been happy to talk a lot about my personal experiences and, by doing so, I've been able to connect with people going through similar things, which has definitely been really positive. But after feeling so overwhelmed by hearing others' stories on Wednesday, I began to rethink whether sharing so much really is the best thing to do.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
The conversation around the ethics of sharing on social media has been growing so much over the past few months. From Katherine Ormerod's new book 'Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Life', and the corresponding Instagram hashtag, to Pandora Syke's recent article for Man Repeller, it's definitely a topic that's hot on people's tongues. Much of the conversation around this subject argues that we should be presenting more honest perceptions of ourselves on social media, better reflections of our 'real life'. I can definitely see how the facades of social media can be harmful for many people, seeing people live seemingly perfectly lives and feeling like yours just doesn't live up is definitely a negative thing. But, for me, this just isn't the case. I use social media as a form of escapism, just I use books, TV and other forms of media. I think this was why being faced with so many 'real-life' stories similar to mine felt so difficult for me. I like seeing a 'glossy' version of people's lives on social media and I'm very, very aware that everyone's Instagram feeds are a highlight reel of their life (although I do like seeing a bit of 'real life' over on Instagram stories). I like using social media as a way of pursuing my interests, from fashion to books to food and reading and seeing photos around these topics definitely helps me switch off and feel more positive. But as real people, should we be sharing our real lives on the internet all the time?
Most people at the moment, it seems to me, would probably answer yes. The word 'responsibility' comes up a lot when talking about how bloggers and 'influencers' should be using social media and obviously there is some sense of responsibility attached to the job title, like there is with any job. But should people really feel as though they have to share every single aspect of their lives with strangers online? Is it helpful if they do? I don't have any answers. I don't know how I feel about it. At the moment, I think maybe users of social media should take responsibility for their own usage, unfollowing people who make them feel negative and limiting their usage of social media if they know it's not good for them. Because, for me, Instagram, most of the time, feels like quite a positive space for me (even if I waste far too much of my time scrolling) and I can only see it becoming more negative and triggering, personally, if people were to start sharing the more negative aspects of their life on there, especially if they were only doing so because they felt they had to.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
I'm not advocating for social media, specifically Instagram, to be a completely honest or dishonest portrayal of 'real life', I think I'd like it to be somewhere in the middle, which, with most people I follow, is where I think it's at now. I think it all comes down to personal choices in terms of posting and following. Maybe for me it's positive to talk about some of my own negative experiences online but generally not helpful to read about other people's? Is this contradictory? Yes. But is this ok? I think probably yes. Because if other people, like me, don't feel good about reading other people's struggles or 'real life' issues, then they can unfollow me. Maybe I wouldn't even follow myself? Now this is really getting morally confusing. You can tell I don't know where my mind is at on this subject. But I thought I'd put my confused thoughts out on to the internet anyway because I think there is an interesting conversation to be had about this topic and I'd like to contribute to it, even if I'm doing so unhelpfully.
I'd absolutely love to hear your views on the topic of sharing online. Do you feel a responsibility to make sure your Instagram page is a completely honest version of you? How do you go about avoiding the bits of social media that you find negative? Let me know in the comments or send me a message over on Instagram or Twitter.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?