Alice Porter 9/30/18 Alice Porter 9/30/18

Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing

Photography by Ami Ford.

I'm finally back with a new blog post after a brief hiatus due to a busy couple of weeks and some personal struggles, which I will go into more later in the post. But I've been wanting to write on this topic and share these photos for what feels like forever now and I'm finally getting round to it today. These photos were taken by the incredible Ami Ford, whose work I had admired from afar for some time and so was delighted to be able to shoot with her, and I'm so happy with the outcome! You can find her on Instagram here, Twitter here or visit her website here.

Today's post is inspired by these photos and specifically, the location that these photos were taken in. This was perhaps one of the busiest road in Manchester on the Sunday afternoon we were shooting on, meaning I really had to have confidence in what I was doing as posing in the middle of a very busy road in a bright yellow midi dress with every passerby staring at you with confused/baffled looks can/could have been an uncomfortable situation. In fact, posing for photos in any situation, even if there are only one or two confused onlookers, and sharing them on social media is quite a daunting concept generally and something I'm still trying to become totally comfortable in.

Anything that you do that is a little bit different, especially if it involves self-promotion, is probably going to be scary and weird. Since becoming more confident in doing my own thing, my life has only improved however I'm still not 100% there yet at all. So much so that, after a little (read: huge) wobble after moving to UNI last week, I considered not writing this post as I didn't think I was qualified to discuss this topic. But then I realised that if I wait till I feel totally comfortable in myself and my interests and habits, I'm probably never going to get round to writing it as I don't even know if it's possible to feel that way to such an extent. So I thought I would use this post to discuss the areas of my life in which I'm trying to become more comfortable in doing my own thing whilst also providing some tips to help others do the same.

INTERESTS AND IDEAS: STARTING MY BLOG

The first area in which I've really had to push myself out of my comfort zone is, as you might have guessed from the first part of this post and from previous posts, starting and running this blog. Having a blog, especially one that is fashion/style-based, means you’re constantly having to promote yourself and, at times, bare your soul to the internet, not knowing who's going to see it or what reaction it's going to get. These are the reasons why it took me so long to properly commit to having a blog but, as with most things, now I have it these two things, and everything else that comes along with it, are not so scary at all.

I do still feel a little bit uncomfortable with the self-promotion thing and it's definitely not my favourite part about having a blog, especially in person, but it's something that I've got used to and definitely don't feel scared or embarrassed about anymore. The only advice I really have for starting something you want to do whether it's a blog, a YouTube channel, a music career etc. is just start it. Everyone says this but it's so true. You're going to have to get over being embarrassed about it and, if it's something you feel passionately about and enjoy, you'll get over it so much quicker than you think. Plus, if you're surrounded by good people then they'll support you and if you aren't, at least it will help you realise that there are some shitty people in your life who don't need to be there.

SOCIAL AND PERSONAL LIFE: GOING OUT AND DRINKING ALCOHOL

The next part of my life where I've had to try and do my own thing, and probably the most difficult part for me, is learning how I like to spend my time and realising that this is not how most people my age, in my situation like to do so. Yep, this is the part where I reveal that I'm 19 going on 90, far more inclined to spend my Saturday night watching Strictly Come Dancing then getting drunk and staying up till 5am. I've not always been like this, I used to love a good night out and a drink, admittedly before it was legal/acceptable for me to do so, and I think that's part of the reason why it's mostly not for me anymore.

Some people don't ever grow out of getting drunk and partying but a lot of people do and I think because I started out so early I am just a little bit bored by it now and definitely not excited by it. The other reasons why I've retired from being a party type of girl are much more difficult to navigate as they're purely health related. I've struggled with IBS and anxiety, as you'll probably know if you've read my blog before, for over 2 years now and they are both extremely negatively affected by drinking alcohol and a lack of sleep. I'm not going to go into it too much, because you really don't want to know about my digestive issues, trust me, but after drinking 3-4 ciders on Thursday night, I was not only fairly drunk (I've always been a lightweight but my lack of drinking has only accentuated that) but I spent the entirety of Friday with horrendous stomach pains, meaning I struggled to stand up by the end of the day, plus any feelings of anxiety are multiplied by 100.

This has been quite difficult for me because, as a student, the main activity that my friends engage in is drinking alcohol (FYI: I don't judge them for this at all, everyone enjoys different things and they're just as entitled to enjoy drinking as I am to not enjoy it). However, in my experience, the best thing you can do in these types of situations is be open with people. No one is going to get annoyed with you if you tell them how negatively you feel about doing something (even if your reasons for this aren't health-related) but they might if you cancel on plans last minute with an obviously-fake excuse or constantly decline their plans with no explanations. My friends are always so kind to me about not drinking or not going out and try to make effort with me to organise different types of things to do, meaning I rarely have to force myself through awkward and anxious nights and even worse morning-afters, something that was a weekly affair for me during my first year of UNI when I refused to be honest with anyone about it.

MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES: DEALING WITH ANXIETY

The final thing I want to discuss is dealing with mental health issues and I know this sounds weird because 'doing your own thing' does not usually equate to having anxiety. But I think the most important thing in dealing with a mental health problem is accepting it and being confident that you know what the best things to do for you are and doing them, no matter what anyone else thinks. If you want to eat a pack of biscuits for tea because that's the only thing you feel hungry for and you don't have the energy to make anything else, do it (this is a case study from my life, specifically during the last week). If you feel like you need an extension on an essay or any sort of mitigating circumstances, talk to someone at your school/college/UNI about it.

You're the only person who knows exactly how you feel and you can't be embarrassed about your needs or the way you're feeling and avoid them because no one else is going to be able to guess what you want to do and help you. Something I found difficult last year and over the past week since moving back to UNI is feeling like I need/want to come home because being at UNI makes me anxious. There is such a stigma around going home from UNI, in my experience, because people feel as though they need to 'stick it out' to prove their independence and that UNI is the best years of their life. I felt the same way last year and forced myself to stay for UNI for weeks even though I knew a weekend at home would do me the world of good and I was very much in a position to go home. Now, mostly because of the incredible support of my friends and family, I feel absolutely no shame in coming home for a weekend or even every weekend, because if that's what I need to do to get through the days without a panic attack then that's what I'll do.

I realise this post has been a little bit of a ramble but it's something that I've wanted to speak about for a while and, clearly, have a lot to say about. I hope it's inspired you to do something this week that you want to do for you, whether that's starting a blog, saying no to something you don't want to do or booking an appointment with a counsellor. Be sure to leave me a comment or message me on social media if you want to discuss this topic further or talk about my experiences or your experiences. My DM's on Twitter and Instagram are always open!

Alice Porter 9/11/18 Alice Porter 9/11/18

A Summer Type Of Girl

It really feels like the end of summer now. As much as I've tried to drag it out, it's now usually necessary to wear a jacket when leaving the house and I have no more trips booked. But I can't really complain, I've had so much fun and made so many memories this summer and I'm glad I've made the most of what is my penultimate 'official summer holiday' as a student. I've also been working quite a lot and making some money, most of which I've spent on decorating my second year university room. Anyway, I wanted to write this post to commemorate and look back on this summer and talk about why the summer months really are my favourite part of the year.

As a January baby, you might not expect me to be such a summer lover, but I am renowned for always wanting what I can't have. I do love Christmas but apart from that, the winter months just don't do it for me. So many people talk about how much they love winter fashion, and I must admit I am getting very excited about buying some new knitwear, but, generally, in the UK it's too cold to wear anything remotely stylish and so I end up wearing the same outfit with the same ugly coat all the time. The thought of snuggling up by the fire in a blanket with a book also appeals to me but honestly this actually happens to me three times at a push and most of my experiences of winter involve waiting for the bus in the freezing cold/rain and dreading leaving my bed in the morning. But enough of my complaining about the winter, let me tell you about why I love summer so much, and why this summer was one of the best.

I guess I always associate summer with time off, time off from education that is. Summer is the time when I can do all the things that make me feel like myself and this always leaves me feeling so reinvigorated. It's also associated with travelling, which is one of my favourite things to do, and, this one's not always a given in the UK, sunny weather, which is inarguably better than cold weather and I refuse to dispute this with anyone. My happiest place is probably lying on a beach in a bikini with a book and I don't think there's a time when I feel more relaxed than this. Summer for me isn't an excuse to be lazy though. Despite taking time off education, I always make the most of summer to allow me to be creative, travel and really make the most of the free time I have to spend with friends and family. I think pretty much all my favourite memories have been made in summer and I was worried that this year because I have been working pretty much full-time that this wouldn't be the case, and summer just wouldn't be as good. But, as much as working has exhausted me, it has by no means ruined my summer and this one has still been one of the best ever. I think this proves that it's not just the time off that makes summer so great for me, it's the ease that comes along with it, whether that's simple dressing, spontaneous plans or the fact that I find it so much easier to be happy when I'm woken up through the sun shining through the gaps in my blinds.

This summer I have travelled more than ever before. I feel so unbelievably lucky to have been to so many incredible places and if you'd like to hear more about them in detail then head to the travel section of my blog here to catch up on travel guides and my travels documented on 35mm film. I thought in this post what I would do is share some of my favourite memories from this summer, home and away, so I can always remember to be grateful for everything the past few months have had in store for me.

The start of summer for me feels like my holiday in Corfu with my sister and my mum- this was the ultimate girly, relaxing holiday from spending our days by the pool to our nights on the balcony in our pyjamas dancing to terrible ABBA tribute bands. I was still in the midst of my exams at this point but managed to really put them to one side and enjoy this holiday, which was so important for me in my process of remembering that academic excellence is not the be all and end all of life.

When my exams were over I headed to Parklife Festival, which, as a weekend, is one of my favourite memories from summer. I met up with new and old friends and danced the weekend away and I still have the remains of glitter dotted in and amongst my belongings to prove it. Parklife is also an amazing memory for me because I remember every single bit of it because I was more or less sober for the whole weekend! I've talked about this briefly before but as someone who deals with anxiety and chronic stomach issues, me+alcohol = bad news, so to be able to enjoy this festival without feeling judged sober was a big feat for me.

Then came a period of about a month that I spent at home and at work and enjoyed the UK's glorious heatwave. My favourite memories from this period mostly took place in beer garden's with friends and also in the garden soaking up the sun (and attempting and mostly failing to put up a paddling pool) with Sam. This is what I mean about summer weather making seeing friends so much easier and spontaneous! Everyone wants to go out in the sun when it's there so everyone generally does.

The main event of July was my trip to Barcelona, a city I absolutely fell in love with and an AIRBNB that was my dream home for when I'm a 20-something. I fell in love with the city, the people and, more than anything, THE FOOD. Oh the food. I will never stop talking about those vegan Nutella donuts. I consider booking a flight over there almost daily just to grace my mouth one more time with those heavenly creations.

The first week of August for me was spent in Bath with Sam's family, a beautiful city and a really relaxing trip, proving that you don't need to go abroad to escape everyday life. Note to self: must go on more UK-based holidays. I came back to a week home alone as my family flew out to Fuerteventura a week earlier than Sam and I so I could get some shifts in at work but it seemed like no time until I joined them out there. This felt like a quintessential family holiday for me, with all the good bits and the bad...but mostly good. I got through three books (relaxing holidays like this are always an excuse for me to read as much as possible) and spent some quality time with my family and Sam and also ate a lot (that's definitely a theme of this summer).

I got back from Fuerteventura and within less than a week I was in Paris, on my final trip of the summer with one of my closest friends, Maisie! I've been to Paris before 4 years ago but I fell in love with it even more this time. There is a mini guide to Paris coming your way very soon so I won't go into it too much but let's just say that Paris truly has my heart.

So yeah this summer has been pretty amazing to say the least. And not just because of the places I've been but because of the people I've spent it with (sorry for the cringe). During the academic year I am a hectic mess so I am so grateful to have these summer months not only because of the weather but because it reminds me how important spending time with the people in my life really is. But I'm still going to try and stay positive for the autumn/winter months, however hard that might be for me. Not to wish my life away but I feel like I'm already making plans and counting down the days for summer 2019, I just can't help it!

Dress- Mango

Necklace- ASOS

Shoes- Topshop

Bag- Zara

Alice Porter 6/29/18 Alice Porter 6/29/18

Why I Love Film Photography

Film photography is something I got into a couple of years ago and I absolutely adore it. There's nothing quite like dropping a roll of film off somewhere and feeling the excitement (and the fear that the camera shop will mess it up) of getting it back to see all these photos and memories. In a digital age where you can get most things with the click of your finger and make everything look perfect, there's something so refreshing about having to wait for your photos and not being able to agonise over them during and after taking them.

People often find the fact I use a film camera very strange, with questions on it ranging from 'who still uses film?' and 'what's the point?' I'm hoping this blog post will show those of you who are little skeptical about film how great it is and maybe even convince you to give it a go yourself. After going through multiple disposable cameras and loving the photos I took from them (and the novelty of having printed out photos) I decided it might be time to move on to a film camera because, not only is it cheaper than buying multiple disposable cameras but the photo quality is obviously better too. I asked for any old film camera for Christmas from my parents, after my researching came to no avail, and ended up with one that, looking back on it now, was actually pretty good- good job Mum! If you're wondering it was the Olympus Superzoom 700XB- it lasted me about a year and I got some great photos with it, but it unfortunately broke after that just as I arrived in Rome, which I was absolutely gutted about as I was so excited for the photos I was going to take on that trip. That is probably the worse thing about film photography, how unreliable it can be. Film cameras are no longer being made so you're always going to be using a second-hand camera which means they are prone to breakages. This is something that comes part and parcel with all the good things about film photography and I still think it's worth it. After all (most of) the cameras aren't expensive, (I've spent as little as £10 on one and as much as £40 on another) this one in particular cost around £25 I think. And these little mishaps make getting amazing photos even more exciting.

After this I gave up on film for a few months, not intentionally but because I never got round to buying a new camera. When I did, I bought one for £10 off Depop (the Praktica G8000 autofocus). I only managed to get one roll of film out of this camera because the second roll I took came back blank, which I was so sad about (I might have cried a little bit). I'm not sure if this was my fault or the fault of the camera but to avoid it happening again and because I wanted a better camera anyway, I bought the Olympus MJU II Zoom 170 (what a mouthful). I paid £40 for this camera off eBay, making it the most expensive one yet, but you can definitely see the price difference in the picture quality. For reference, you can see some photos I took on my Praktica camera in this blog post from my trip to Berlin and photos I took on the Olympus camera in this blog post from Corfu and this one with lots of random photos. I've been loving using my new camera and, since buying it 2 months ago, I've already gone through 2 rolls of 36 exposure film, which is a lot for me!

Anyway enough about the quality and the cameras, I want to talk about why I go through all of the trauma involved with film (broken cameras, empty rolls etc.) and why I love it despite and because of these aspects. As I mentioned, shooting on film just feels so refreshing. Having printed out photos (and seeing them before you see them on a phone screen) is such a novelty and something that will always make me feel so happy. I actually started putting them all in scrapbooks last year which I know will be amazing to look back on- note to self: must continue with that soon. The spontaneity of taking photos with a film camera is another reason why I love it. Whether I'm taking a photo of a scenery, friends or someone else is taking a photo of me, it feels so good to take the photo and leave it at that, with no feelings of dissatisfaction because you have no idea what the photo looks like. By the time I get the photos developed I've usually forgot about most of the photos I took as well and they always come as such a nice surprise, both because of the memories and how the photos actually look. Which takes me to the main reason I love film, and the reason I think why most people shoot on film, how the photos look! A film photo is so distinguishable in my opinion and I can't even describe why I love the way it looks so much apart from saying that it looks real. I don't know if this makes any sense but photos taken using film always feel so authentic and that's what I probably love about them the most!

People are definitely starting to appreciate film photography more and more and if you're thinking about getting a film camera, I'd definitely recommend doing so! They're all easy to use and you could always start with a cheaper one if you're not sure if it's something you'll carry on with. One thing I will mention is the expenses involved in getting photos developed, which are steep. It ranges from about £10-£15 to get a roll of film developed (if you want them on a CD and the prints) which is why, up until now, I've only shot maximum of 5 rolls a year. But now I'm coming to realise just how much I love film photography, I'm hoping to start doing it more frequently. Because £10 a month doesn't seem like that much for photos I love and will (hopefully) cherish forever.

The photos here are ones that were on the same roll of film as my Corfu pictures and I thought this would be the perfect way to share them. All of these photos came out so well from the quality to the colours and they're some of my favourites because of that and the moments they capture. I hope this blog post has inspired you to order a film camera and I hope you're enjoying my film content as I'm hoping there's going to be a lot more of it! If you're looking for more film content definitely check out Lizzy's blog Shot From The Street. She is the queen of film photography and is consistently creating some incredible content with film, always inspiring me. Let me know in the comments or over on social media if you have any questions about shooting on film (although I'm definitely no expert) or if there's anything specific you'd like to see on my blog film-wise!

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Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing

A Summer Type Of Girl

Why I Love Film Photography

Alice May Porter

aliceporterfreelancer@gmail.com