How Do We Navigate Social Media Now It's The Only Way to Socialize?
In December of last year I came back to my parents home for the weekend and decided to take this time off social media. For me, social media is not an inherently negative place. But it is time-consuming and sometimes brain-numbing and I spend far too much time on my phone when I could be doing things that are useful but more importantly, things that bring me genuine happiness and contentment.
I feel lucky in that I don’t find myself falling into the ‘comparison trap’ of social media, and specifically Instagram, like many do. On bad days, I feel envious of others whose lives look better than mine but most days, those types of thoughts don’t enter my head. Because of this, I’d never considered taking time off social media as something that would be useful for me, as this is the reason many others choose to do so.
The day I decided I would have a weekend off social media was Friday 13th December, the day after the General Election. The result of the General Election made me feel extremely emotional (angry, sad, despairing) and as my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram feeds demonstrated, the same was true for many other people. This emotion and the fact that social media was dominated by news of the general election, something that I wanted to escape, made it clear to me that I needed a few days off.
So I deleted all of my social media apps and wasn’t tempted to check them over this 3 day period because I knew that it was a particularly negative space that weekend. I spent my time doing uni work and also relaxing, trying to do some of the things the time I’d spent endlessly scrolling had stolen from me, namely, reading and writing. But at the end of the weekend, I felt worse. Or maybe not completely worse, but definitely more lonely than before.
It made me realise how much of my social life was coming from social media. I’m thankful for social media for this, as it’s allowed me to meet so many wonderful people and find communities I wouldn’t have in the physical world. And it’s certainly helped me to grow and change as a person. But I also came to the conclusion that, of course, it wasn’t healthy to be getting so much of my social contact from social media, as nothing can replace genuine face-to-face, physical contact.
Luckily, the first few months of 2020 were far less busy for me work-wise than the last months of 2019 were, so I was able to socialise for real a lot more. And I felt so much better for it. I also tried to lower my screen time, which I did, although I won’t be sharing numbers because, as numbers often are in so many different scenarios, I think they can be a source of comparison and shame.
We often laugh as we refuse to share our screen-time with others because we are embarrassed that ours is so high. But perhaps this is because we are uncomfortable with the reasons as to why we are unable to practice self-control when it comes to social media. For a lot of us, we lose control because we seek validation and connection from social media where we don’t have it in our own lives. For me, social media allowed me to subdue feelings of loneliness. For others it might be finding validation on social media in order to forget, for a while, crippling insecurity, or to be able to enter the more ideal world you’ve created yourself, in order to escape the unhappiness you’re genuinely feeling.
Since self-isolation has begun, I’ve been totally unable to control the time I spend on my phone and the same feeling of scrolling-induced claustrophobia that I was feeling in the last months of 2019 has returned. But a social media detox doesn’t feel like an option for me right now, as much as it might help in normal circumstances, because I am craving social contact in any form I can get it, given the current situation, and I’m not about to give that up in any shape or form.
When I listen to people speak, or write, about having breaks from social media or giving it up altogether all I can think is: you are so lucky. This is because the people who tend to do this, or at least those who I’ve heard discussing it, are those who live with their partners or lots of friends and are getting the social contact we all crave from inside their households. I am lucky enough to live with a friend in usual circumstances and I feel more than able to take time off social media when we’re staying in our flat at the same time and I’m going to uni or even the library every day surrounded by people. But when I come home for the weekend and it’s just me and my close family, a social media detox doesn’t feel like a healthy thing to do. Because as much as I love my family, I’m not getting the same social connection I get from my friends, partner and colleagues from them.
Having moved back in with my parents during lockdown, I feel at a loss as how to navigate social media at this time. Should I be policing my screen time, to ensure I’m leaving time to do the things that fulfil me and make me happy? Or should I stop putting pressure on myself to do anything as it’s supposed to be done and just go with how I feel?
The problem is: I often don’t have the choice to see how I feel when it comes to social media, because it’s so instinctive to me to pick up my phone and start scrolling that I lose hours and days to it without even realising. For example, when I’m reading a book and I google the definition of a word and suddenly, it’s 30 minutes later and I’m deep into a Twitter thread. Or, I’ve woken up in the morning and decided to quickly check my emails before getting out of bed, but suddenly, an hour has disappeared and I’ve reached my screen time limit for Instagram. Or, I’m on a walk, and I’ve checked my weather app to see what time the sun will set, to make sure I get home before it goes dark, but I have a message from a woman who likes my Instagram page, and I end up spending the whole walk messaging her about common interests. By the end of the walk, I haven’t appreciated the sea or the sand or the sky, but I’ve made a new friend.
The point is, social media brings both positivity and negativity into my life but a potentially destructive part of my personality, which I’m sure is true for others too, is that sometimes I crave that negativity or at least the mindlessness that social media breeds. This means using it instinctively might not necessarily mean only using it for positive interactions like the one mentioned above and also because, I truly believe I’m addicted to social media, so my instincts surrounding it might not necessarily be healthy.
If I deactivate my social media and put my phone in a drawer, I’d waste less time, I’d read more books, I’d probably be a better writer. I’d probably exercise more and be able to run a 10K, I’d probably keep my room tidy and I’d never feel stuck in a hole that I can’t get out of. But I’d also lose the friends I’ve found online and even some of the ones who I’ve found in the big wide world, at least for a short period, whilst social media is the best way to keep up with them. I’d also feel lonely and perhaps less creatively inspired and, definitely, like I’d lost a part of my identity (whether that’s a good part or bad, I’m not sure.)
There’s no easy way to navigate social media full stop, but even more so during a global pandemic. There’s no easy way to do anything during a global pandemic, really, but social media feels particularly difficult. Because we can look to survivors of previous pandemics for most other things, but not for this. This is the first ever global pandemic that society is trying to survive in the digital world and I don’t think we should underestimate the difficulty of that.
Today, I woke up and scrolled through social media for a straight hour. I then tried to get out of bed and into the shower but ended up scrolling for longer. By 12pm my screen time had hit three hours and I felt bad about it. I considered whether I felt bad about the number or just simply bad, from coming out of the scrolling hole and I came to the conclusion that it was both. I decided to leave my phone in my room and do a jigsaw and watch TV. I did this for four hours and my brain felt clearer. Tomorrow, I will partake in a weekly digital book club that is the highlight of my week by far during lockdown, and was only made possible because of social media. I might waste time scrolling, I might engage with some amazing people and feel more positive about my life and the world for it. Every time I enter the password to my phone and click on one of the infamous apps, it’s a gamble.
Social media makes me feel very bad but it also makes me feel very good. It exposes me to some of the world’s worst people and to some of the world’s best. I would even go as far to say that it exposes me to the best and worst versions of myself, to speak in the tongue of the digital age.
With every good comes a bad, with every friend comes a troll, with every hilarious meme comes a devastating news story, with every time-wasting scroll comes an opportunity that would otherwise never have presented itself to you.
“Social media:” opens the essay of an A-Level student in 3010, “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.”
(Plot twist: the student is a robot. But at least he’s read Dickens.)
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Trying (And Failing) to Be "Present" During My Daily Permitted Exercise
I often write stream of consciousness essays like this, mostly whilst walking or on public transport, but I never post them anywhere. However, this week I read this Man Repeller article about the need for personal essays during quarantine and it gave me the push I needed to publish this one. There might be more, there might not! But I hope you enjoy this collection of my thoughts during my walk to, on and from the beach the other day.
I took this photo accidentally whilst tying my shoe
Shutting the gate to my house, I send a photo of the Creme Egg I am carrying to my boyfriend with the caption ‘Going to the beach with a seasonal snack.’ Photos like this one have become somewhat the norm, 9 days into self-isolation, in order to update him on my day, always trying to be funny, succeeding only occasionally.
I bite the top of the creme egg and begin to devour the filling. Usually I wouldn’t do this in public, but with only one other person to be seen on my road, and my inability to care about anything, including how I appear to others, in such a time of overwhelm, I do it with added vigour, smiling like a psychopath.
I fix my earphones into my ears, and press play on a podcast I’ve downloaded specifically for this walk. It’s an “in conversation” with Zadie Smith and Chimamanda Ngozi Adicihe by the New York Public Library. ‘Am I listening this so I can tell Instagram I listened to this while walking to the beach or do I actually want to listen to it?’ I thought to myself. I decide I do actually want to listen to it, although only partly for pleasure and also for education, although the two have become somewhat amalgamated in my head. I struggle with the pretentiousness of that idea, as someone who is notoriously condemning of anything pretentious - books, films, lecturers, songs, lifestyles etc. But after three years of studying English Literature, I’m beginning to realise I now enjoy many of these things, as has been made glaringly obvious to me now I am back at home, self-isolated with my family. 10 minutes into the walk, and the podcast, I am undoubtedly enjoying it but I will still post about it on Instagram later.
Part of what I am enjoying about the podcast is the sounds of the audience, their mumbles, sneezes; their laughter as Adichie reads out a passage from her book that describes Brooklyn as smelling like ‘warmed up trash.’ I breathe in through my nose in an attempt to characterise the smells around me. “Shit.” I think. “It smells like shit. But a nice kind of shit, a fresh kind. Animal poo, rather than human.” It’s almost comforting, after long days and nights spent in doors with only stale air and the artificial smell of anti-bacterial spray.
I’m walking down a side path next to a field and peer in at the houses I can see past the low fences. One house has a small conservatory, with a low roof that I might have to duck my 5’4 body in order to get inside. There’s a shelf filled with books. I can’t see their titles but they are old books, backed in fabrics made out of primary colours, rather than the shiny, bright contemporary paperbacks and hardbacks that fill my shelves.
I leave the path and approach one of the most infamous houses in my area, marked, as usual, by a small police van sitting outside of it, that I’m sure could be used for a better purpose during lockdown than guarding this millionaire’s property. I walk past the walls of the house, that are thick enough to prevent you from really being able to see the house whilst walking, but thin enough that you can catch glimpses of it that make you want to stop and stare. A design that I’m sure, like Gatsby’s, is intentionally alluringly elusive, built to encourage envy. “I am not envious”, I think as I walk by, smiling at a man and his dog stood 6 metres away from me. “But I wouldn’t mind self-isolating in there,” I sardonically say out loud under my breath, catching a glimpse of the huge circular balcony that is the size of the entire bottom floor of my house.
I chose this path to the beach for its practicality, having only an hour and fifteen minutes to spare before an online Barre class but it is one that I am not familiar with. I see two paths ahead of me, one that turns into a field and one next to a house I recognise. I opt for the latter, after skim reading a sign about the history of the area.
Once I am walking on it, I realise that there were in fact 3 paths, and I had not walked far enough to the one that was actually the quickest way to get to the beach. The path I am walking on is hardly a path at all, more of a break in marram grass made by those who were braver than me and followed their own navigation rather than that of a sign. I follow in their footprints, stopping every now and then as I notice a new path opening up beside me, sometimes taking it.
Arriving at the beach, there is, unusually, no breeze and I realise I do not need the puffer coat that is tied around my waist that I brought specifically to guard myself from the tough wind sent on by the ocean. I am greeted in the best way: by an enthusiastic dog with a ball in his mouth. I go to stroke him then realise, better not, pets can carry it without showing symptoms, and pass it on to others. I smile at him and he, irritated by my inability to imitate his glee, heads back to his cooperating owner.
I walk down the beach for around 10 minutes, taking photos and videos of the sand, the sea, the sun and my outfit. I consider posting them to Instagram now to encourage everyone to experience this spring-like day, but decide to post them later, half out of selfishness, of getting to be one of the few who chose to abandon their Netflix bingeing session (ignoring the ‘are you still watching?’ notification) and take their once-a-day permitted exercise, half because I want to use this time to be away from my screen, something that is increasingly difficult when the only social contact I get is on social media.
The irony is, I have been tapping away at my phone, writing this piece for the entirety of my walk. The podcast I was listening to is paused 11 minutes in.
I imagine the middle-aged people around me judging me, for spending my daily exercise on my phone. I’ve probably prompted a conversation in them that will fill the rest of their walk or run, about the toxicity of social media. “Well, too bad for them because I am not on social media but, writing.” I think to myself, irritatingly smug in the knowledge that their assumptions about me are wrong, ignoring the possibility that my assumption about what they’re thinking could also be incorrect.
To be truthful, being a person who writes is far more addictive than social media anyway. Hearing someone tell me they liked a sentence I wrote, or coming up with said sentence, produces far more adrenaline than a like on social media. And it takes me out of the moment more too. Because whenever I am seemingly in the moment, I’m reading, or listening to words (having mostly given up on music since the advent of podcasts) and sometimes, but admittedly less often than the others, writing them.
Maybe tomorrow I will use my daily walk to be. To be in the moment, to be adventurous. It feels as if this is how my time outside should be spent, seeing as there is now a limit on it. But I struggle to be in the moment, listening to the sounds of nature rather than the sounds of other people talking in my ears, or to be content to leave my thoughts in my head, instead, frantically writing all of them down, becoming distracted by something else I want to write about before finishing every sentence.
‘Excuse me, excuse me. Where’s the beach?’ A man, around my age, comes up to me, asking me this frantic question. I look up from my phone and turn around, to check the huge towering sand dunes behind me haven’t somehow disappeared. I see that they are, as expected, still there and point towards them. ‘The beach????’ He repeats, perplexed by my ignorance. I can smell his breath now he has moved closer, most definitely violating the 2 metre social-distancing rule; it smells like alcohol and I now understand his confusion. “Just follow that path down there,” I say, pointing. “Thanks!” He says and wanders off with his friend, the plastic bags they are carrying swinging and create a clinking sound from their contents.
“See now that’s what I should be doing,” I think to myself. “THAT would make a good story.”
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So You're Feeling Hopeless After The General Election...
Photo taken in Shakespeare & Co in Paris, 2018. A reminder that we all need going into 2020.
The General Election has happened. The Tories gained a huge majority. It’s shit. It’s disappointing. It’s scary. You’re probably feeling hopeless about the state of the country, of the world even. But wallowing in this hopelessness is not productive in any shape or form, for yourself or for the bettering of the world.
What is productive is fostering the hope you’ve been feeling over the last month in the run up to the General Election at the prospect of a better, more equal country and using it to creative positive change. The General Election may be over, but the world is not and there are so many things you can do to make the world a better place, even if the ruling party choose not to.
Hang on to the issues you care so deeply about, whatever has struck a chord for you during this election, whether that’s the NHS, the climate crisis, homelessness or whatever else. Find charities and campaigns that are championing these issues and become a part of them. Becoming a part of something you believe in, in which you can see clear change happening as a result of your actions is so rewarding and will turn at least some of your feelings of hopelessness into optimism. And although the prospect of the Tories being in power for another 5 years is daunting, this is 5 years in which you can campaign for whatever political party you believe in, rather than just doing so a couple of months before the election which is not as effective both because of the tension people are feeling and the limited time.
You can do this with your time or money, whatever works best for you but I would add that giving up your time is especially rewarding. However considering there’s only 12 days till Christmas (at least that was always going to be a silver lining after the election), consider giving charitable gifts this year, whether it’s donating to a charity of your choosing on someone else’s behalf, or buying a gift from the ChooseLove store for someone (I particularly love this idea).
What is key here is actually making change happen. Although social media seems like a great platform for activism at times, especially if you have a large follower count, it can be superficial and have little effect on the world, which can be frustrating. Whilst being out in the real world, making change through your actions has the opposite effect and is deeply fulfilling.
The connections you can make campaigning in real life are also often so much more sincere and impactful than those you can make through social media too. This is largely because social media is somewhat of an echo chamber for most of us, in which we only see our own left-wing views repeated back because, of course, we don’t want to follow people we disagree with.
I think the social media echo chamber is a significant reason why the General Election results might feel so devastating to many young people because it’s easy to be fooled by the 700 people you’re following that everyone thinks about the world in the same way you do, forgetting that there are over 66 million people living in the UK with incredibly diverse views.
This floored me during the past election and particularly during the EU referendum, as, although I was too young to vote in it, it initiated my interest in politics. But the politics I was interested in and thus surrounded myself with, were left-wing and pro-EU and thus, I was devastated by the result of the referendum. Whereas in this election, by staying informed as much as I could on what’s going on in the real world, the shock was minimised and my mental health has not been affected to such an extent.
Now I’m not advising be-friending Tories or filling your Twitter feed with opinions you disagree with. Instead, just gain an awareness. Read newspapers whose political leaning might be a little more right-leaning than your own, or at least be aware of what they’re saying. Talk to people who aren’t just your closest friendship group. Don’t immediately close off a conversation with someone just because their views are more right-wing than yours. By any means, you don’t need to be uber-polite to them. But at least engage in the conversation, if only to affirm that the politics you believe in are the ones you want to champion.
This awareness is not only necessary to advance any sort of left-wing politics (as the divisiveness we create in staying in our own bubble and shouting at anyone who might disagree with us is deeply harmful) but also to protect your personal mental health because being overly-optimistic unfortunately often leads to disappointment and despair. Although I am deeply saddened by the results of the General Election, by staying informed, it’s not far from what I expected. And for me, being able to prevent such despair is critical to my mental health.
Photo by @badasscrossstitch on Instagram
Finally, stay off social media as much as possible for the next few weeks. It’s going to be a site of tension, divisiveness and anger and it’s not a positive space in any sense, neither for your mental health or for creating a better world. Spend your time, instead, educating yourself, volunteering, becoming an activist, with your loved ones, with yourself and maybe even with your counsellor.
Because it’s absolutely okay if you do feel devastated by the result of the General Election. It’s okay if you think it’s triggered some of your mental health issues. Some might see it as ‘just politics’, but for many this General Election came with so much hope for the future and Thursday night’s exit poll probably felt like that broke down entirely. However, the world is not ending and there are so many ways we can make it a better place, but before you can do so, you have to ensure you’re in a good place. Although do consider doing both at the same time. Volunteering and activism can be an incredible way to feel fulfilled and improve your mental health, giving your able to do so, alongside whatever else you might need to stay healthy, including medication and counselling.
There is so much to be anxious about as we enter 2020 and this Tory government is certainly part of that, especially for vulnerable people in society. But lets channel our despair and fear into making a better country and a better world and lets use our time, money, voices- our privilege in whatever form it takes, to protect those who are truly vulnerable and to fight for what we care about.
I Want To Be Politically Engaged But I Also Want To Breathe| How I’m Approaching Politics in 2019
I am a naturally inquisitive and empathetic person. I feel most excited and fulfilled when learning new things and discussing important and progressive ideas. Politics energises me, but it also exhausts me.
I’m writing this on the eve of the 2019 General Election, of which I have become consumed with. It’s the first time I’ve felt exhilarated by British politics in years. But I’m also anxious. I’m angry. I’m overwhelmed. I can’t sleep because I’ve spent the entirety of all my days over the past month, especially the parts in which I’m supposed to be relaxing, reading and watching videos about the upcoming election. I’ve even been out posting leaflets for my local Labour party in an effort to do something that isn’t just shouting into the echo chamber that is social media. And I want to do this! I am choosing to do this!
But to understand what is going on in the world and to attempt to do something about it, for me, is all-consuming. I can’t draw the line between being involved in politics and maintaining my mental health. The injustice that I witness in staying so insistently informed stays with me, after closing tabs and deleting apps and turning the lights off to go to bed. It permeates my thoughts and my speech, as I struggle to partake in a conversation without slipping into talking about politics and the current state of the world. It even permeates my body, as my anxiety is so intrinsically linked to my physical health, and can often render me physically sick.
But I’m not writing this post in an attempt to gain sympathy. I imagine a great deal of people feel this way and that is why so many people remain apolitical. But as Grace Beverley put, a woman who is using her platform for so many fantastic causes, and as many have reiterated: ‘being apolitical in itself is a political act, and in fact an inherently selfish one.’ And to be able to be apolitical is a privilege, as that means that you’re lucky enough to be in a position where politics doesn’t directly negatively impact your life, as it does for so many POC, the LGBTQ+ community, people living in austerity and an endless amount of other groups of people.
So for me, to remove politics out of my life is not an option, and I think the guilt this would cause would be unbearable. Over the past couple of years to try and balance the overwhelm politics has caused me, I’ve tried to stay less informed. Whilst I’ve still generally understood what’s going on in the world, mostly the Western world, I’m embarrassed to admit, and in politics, I’ve attempted to distance myself from it. But as I mentioned earlier, I’m an inquisitive and empathetic person who wants to feel connected. To read a short BBC summary of an event in order to ensure I’m basically informed is so unfulfilling and frustrating for me, even if it does mean I can fall asleep within an hour of putting my head on the pillow. I want to stay informed and I want to fight injustice and this general election has reminded me of that.
To be able to do so without it affecting my mental and physical health quite so negatively will be a challenge. But it’s a challenge that I really believe in. And as someone who lives with a huge amount of privilege and is lucky enough to have the option to remain apolitical, I think it would be unbelievably selfish and individualistic for me to do so. And politics that advantage the individual over society are not the types of politics I believe in.
I am painfully cynical about the result of today’s General Election because cynicism is most definitely a coping mechanism I use to shield myself from disappointment, which I fear so much, especially for an election which is as critical as this one.
But I am also hopeful and when I cross the Labour box at my polling station today, I will do so with a hopefulness that there are people who want the same world that I do and who are fighting tirelessly in order for it to materialise.
Politics can make you feel hopeless and isolated but know that your democratic right to vote today is an opportunity for agency and one that we must all take. It’s empowering and even if everything else about the current state of politics makes you despair, this is your chance make your claim on how you want the world to be, and you MUST use it!
I’ve told myself that I won’t be staying up to watch the election results be counted but it’s very likely that I’ll still be up at 3am tonight, probably having bitten off my entire fingernails with anxiety. It’s not good for my health (or my Christmas manicure) but it’s good for my mind and my soul and frankly, it’s non-negotiable, because I naturally care and I am hopeful that caring can make the world a better place.
Why Academic Failure was One Of The Best Things That Ever Happened To Me
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Dress- Nobody’s Child
Shoes- Primark (similar here)
For as long as I can remember, grades have been very important to me. I mean, I’ve literally spent my entire life that I can remember in education. I’m lucky because I generally did well at school. I was never top of my class but I never struggled to get by. But when it got to serious exams and I started putting a little bit more work in than normal and my grades rapidly improved, I realised that if I worked a little bit harder than most people I could do pretty well!
And that’s great, right? I learnt that hard work paid off at an early age and the people around me were quite impressed that I was willing to work so hard. But the gratification I got from seeing my hard work pay off was maybe a little bit too much and gradually, I started to become obsessed with my grades. Giving up on other hobbies I enjoyed and neglecting friendships and my social life in order to see just how far hard work could get me.
And to a point, it did get me far. I climbed my way to the the top of my classes! I was on track to get into a great university on a course I was excited about! But none of that really mattered to me anyway because all I cared about was seeing my hard work pay off and achieving the ultimate gratification: my A-Level results.
Everyone around me (teachers, family etc.) were pretty confident that I was going to get the grades I wanted. I mean, I’d been getting them consistently for around two years and I worked harder than ever for my final exams. I wasn’t majorly worried either. ‘If I drop one grade, that’s ok. I didn’t like that class anyway.’ But that was all the reassurance I gave to myself, dropping one grade is ok. Any more? Unspeakable.
I mean, this story is becoming pretty predictable. Of course, I didn’t get the grades I wanted. I got good grades, but they were nowhere near what I wanted and I’ve truly never felt heartbreak like reading the letters printed on that A4 piece of paper.
I cried for about 6 hours straight. And then I cried some more, for weeks. I stopped crying eventually but I didn’t really get over it. I still haven’t really got over it, knowing that hard work doesn’t always pay off and that sometimes people are just unlucky. It’s kind of a hard pill to swallow.
Everyone was telling me that I shouldn’t be upset because I did really well and I had got into my first choice university and many people hadn’t achieved either of these things, which is true, and I did feel unjustified in being so upset. But dedicating two years of my life to these exams and knowing there was nothing more I could have done to get better grades yet still not getting the results I wanted completely knocked my self-confidence and everything I thought I knew about hard work.
But now I look at it differently. What felt like the biggest failure of my life was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me because it allowed me to let go of academic perfectionism. Knowing that hard work doesn’t always pay off means that I’ve learned to live a little and enjoy the other parts of my life that are always gratifying, like holidays and day trips and talking to my best friend on the phone for 2 hours; days out that I’ll remember forever and days in bed that will almost definitely be forgotten, but that doesn’t make them any less pleasurable or important.
My academic failure and what felt like the worst day of my life was actually one of the best things that has ever happened to me, because days and weeks of crying into my cereal and doubting my ability to do anything turned into me letting go of my perfectionist ways and learning to enjoy life again. And now I look at my grades as a very small part of my life, rather than something that defines me and I consider so many things, including the people around me, my mental and physical health and the things that I enjoy doing, as so much more important than numbers on a piece of paper.
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The Pressure to be Productive is Making us Less Productive
Being busy is a seen as a badge of honour in the modern world, or at least the one I’m living in. Did you really stay up till 2 am working if you didn’t tell everyone you saw about it the next day? It’s something I’ve definitely fallen victim to, working myself too hard mostly just to create the impression that I’m working myself too hard. Of course, everyone has busy times in their lives and this blog post isn’t saying that we should’t complain about them or that we should keep our stress to ourselves. What I’m trying to say, instead, is that there’s more to life than work, whatever form it comes in, and the pressure to be constantly productive isn’t letting us embrace that which means we are failing to ‘be the best version of ourselves’, as the cliché goes, in work and in life.
Something I realised when I set myself the new years resolution to take more time off from work is that taking time off actually makes the time I spend working far more productive. For example, I mostly take Sundays off university work now, which means the work I do during the rest of the week, especially on Fridays and Saturdays, is much more focussed, as I’m determined to get it done so I can have a guilt free Sunday off. Taking Sundays off also largely means that I feel much less exhausted and depressed about starting work on a Monday because I know it’s only 6 days until a day off, meaning the quality of my work is usually better.
Of course, taking a day off isn’t some brand new thing that I’ve discovered. Most people in ‘normal’ 9-5 jobs always have weekends off! But, since starting my A-Levels almost 4 years ago, I have never had a proper day off and would spend my days feeling lethargic and not doing the best work that I could because I was so exhausted and bored by its never ending nature. I truly believe that, for most people, spending less time working doesn’t mean that you’re going to get less work done.
That belief is the main reason why I think the pressure to be productive is making us less productive. So many of the people who are bragging about staying up till 2am working have probably spent hours of that procrastinating, which is fine. We all procrastinate and no one is 100% focussed all the time! But often the only reason, I’ve found, that people work, for example, till 2am is for the gratification of doing so, not because their work really requires that amount of time.
If you’re reading this and thinking ‘But I really DO have that much work!’ Fair enough, maybe you do! I know I did last month when I had 3 essays due in the space of a week (humble productivity brag, I’m just THAT used to it). I’m not trying to tell you that you’re not as busy as you think because a lot of us are busy. But just stop and consider if you’re only spending so much time working because you think you should be, when your work could realistically be done in a smaller time frame by, maybe, cutting down on unnecessary routines/habits.
For example, I used to make notes on my laptop on all the books I was reading for uni whilst I was reading them, which was very time-consuming and largely useless as I only ever ended up writing essays or exams on a 3 or 4 books and I had notes on 10 on them. It felt very good to have all my notes there though. I love being organised and preparing for all outcomes so this way of studying felt like, well, the only way for me. But as part of cutting down my working hours, I realised that this time-consuming method wasn’t really necessary. So now I just do it for the books I’m particularly interested in or the ones I decide to write my essay/exam on after reading the book.
That example is very specific to my English Literature degree but I’m sure everyone has similar things they do as part of their working routine that aren't really necessary and that they could cut out or spend less of their time on. I’ve cut down the time I spend on university work by about 30% and I was honestly very worried that it was going to affect my grades negatively, but it hasn’t so far because cutting down in this way has improved my mental health so much which, in turn, has allowed me to do things faster and, often, better.
I still sometimes feel the pressure to tell everyone how busy I am, especially when others tell me the same thing. And I definitely feel guilty about taking time off. Because I do feel busy and I feel like taking time off suggests I’m not as busy as I am. But you know what, who really cares? It’s not healthy to be productive ALL the time - I should know as living that way has been so detrimental to my mental health - and we need to stop treating an overly busy and ‘productive’ life as a positive thing as this only encourages overworking.
This post feels a little bit all over the place but changing the way I think about productivity really has been life-changing for me so I just wanted to get my thoughts out there. I think the best thing we can all do to dismantle this complex many of us have around being busy and productive is to stop bragging about it; next time there’s empty space in a conversation, try not to fill it by talking about how much work you have or how much work you’ve done. It’s such a bad habit of mine and it’s so hard not to do but leaving it out of the conversation can generally only be a positive thing.
I’m just talking about this productivity complex from my perspective but if you really are feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed by your work please do talk to those around you about it and maybe think about talking to a mental health professional too.
Otherwise, if you’re going to take anything away from this blog post let it be that:
Spending lots of time working doesn’t equate to doing productive work.
Time off is necessary and can actually make you more productive and, more importantly, can benefit your mental health in so many ways.
Constantly talking about how busy you are will only make you and those around you more stressed and feeds into many of our productivity complexes.
Enjoy your week, take some time off, and try not use how busy you are with work as a conversation filler!
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On Being Alone & Balancing My Time as an Introvert
(some links used are affiliate links which means I earn a small amount of commission if an item is purchased)
Top- Topshop
I love being alone. I am a self-proclaimed introvert and, generally, time alone is something I always look forward to. I remember when I was younger, in my early teens, I would saviour weekend nights spent only with myself; I could stay up as late as I wanted to and do whatever I pleased with my time, which usually involved writing blog posts (on a blog that no longer exists), scrolling through Tumblr and reading. My time alone now is spent much in the same way, apart from that Instagram has replaced Tumblr (which is probably for the best because despite Instagram’s many issues, at least it isn’t trying to convince me that thigh gaps are cool.)
It seems then that time spent with myself is time to be creative. It’s also time to binge-watch my favourite Netflix shows, don’t get me wrong. But I definitely spend most of my alone time working on creative projects and if I do spend too much time with other people, I quickly develop an itch to be on my own, so I can re-charge and work on these things that I love and care about so much.
I find the ideas surrounding extroverts and introverts interesting and largely baffling. I often question how anyone could re-charge by spending time with others because it is so natural to me to restore my energy by being on my own. This isn’t necessarily because I relax in conventional ways when I’m on my own; most of my time spent doing ‘nothing’ (i.e. watching TV, chatting and generally chilling) is when I’m with my boyfriend and my friends and, as I just explained, most of my alone time is spent working, even if I am working on things I enjoy. It sounds kind of counterintuitive really: I relax when I’m with others but I re-charge when I’m on my own.
But I don’t think re-charging and relaxing are necessarily the same thing. It’s true that I feel exhausted after spending the entire day socialising or even just being around other people but collapsing into bed and binge-watching TV isn’t always the answer to that. More often than not, turning to my blog or other projects that I’m a part of feels like the ideal way to end my days. I think I crave this kind of ending to my day because I feel the most like myself when I’m doing something creative/something that I’m interested in. And I think that’s what this concept of ‘re-charging’ is all about- where it is that you feel most like yourself. Alone or with others? Watching TV or working? etc.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to the question of where you feel most yourself but I do think that my ways of re-charging can be problematic. Re-charging by working (even work that I enjoy) can definitely cause problems, namely me becoming completely over-worked (how many times can I say work in a sentence?) It’s pretty normal for me to leave my house at 9am and stay in university till 5pm, to come home, eat something and spend the rest of my night working on my blog with maybe an hour of Netflix when it gets to about 10pm. This isn’t me pushing myself because I feel like I have to, (I find it very frustrating when people force themselves to work more than they need to just to feel worthy), it’s because I want to, well when it comes to my blog anyway! I love my blog and I love working on it. It makes me feel good and if I didn’t do it in the evenings and on the weekend, I wouldn’t have time to do it at all.
But re-charging in this way certainly does blur some lines of what is work and what isn’t, and how far enforced relaxation (even if relaxing in the conventional way isn’t what I feel like doing) is necessary. Right now, it feels like this way of living works for me. But then again, I haven’t been to university in a week (it’s the Easter Break) and a couple of weeks ago when I had been enforcing this routine for 8 weeks straight and was feeling burnt out to say the least, I might have felt very differently.
I love being alone but maybe I don’t quite know how to yet in the ways that are best for me and my mental and physical health. I think as I grow older and learn more and more about myself (and I hopefully spend my days doing work that fulfils me creatively so I don’t have to spend my nights doing so), I’ll learn what is best for me though, and I hope Ii find a healthy balance between genuinely relaxing whilst also being able to re-charge, whatever that phrase really means.
Writing this post has made me realised that being alone is much more complicated than many people, including myself, like to think. Maybe I’m just thinking into it too much (I mean, I am an English Literature student so that’s a fair assumption) but considering much of my time is spent by myself, I think this is a worthy topic as any to spend my time thinking and writing about.
Let me know how you feel about being alone in the comments! Do you love it or hate it? Are you an introvert, an extrovert or somewhere in between? As you might be able to tell, I’m very interested in this topic so I’m keen to hear your thoughts!
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Creating Content For Yourself vs. Conforming to 'the Algorithm' | Being Creative Online
‘The algorithm’ is something that is ominously referred to by pretty much everyone who uses social media for creative or commercial purposes. It is basically what Instagram uses to determine whose photos will be placed at the top of people’s feeds and will be allowed the most engagement, which Instagram gained the power to do after it got rid of chronological feeds (this article is much better at explaining it than I am). No one really knows how it works although there are many theories and assumptions surrounding it, for example, that ‘the algorithm’ prefers iPhone photos to photos taken on digital/professional cameras. But who knows if it really is the algorithm that prefers that or just users of Instagram? Either way, it is true that some posts do better than others based on many things that are often different for everyone.
Because certain posts tend to do ‘well’ (i.e. receive good engagement), it can be tempting to only create the kind of content that performs well. But what if that’s not your favourite kind of content to create? I’ve been blogging for almost a year now and the lines can sometimes become a little blurry when it comes to thinking about what the content I like to create is, because I think I can become subconsciously influenced by the likes and the shares to think the content I enjoy producing is the content that performs well, when that isn’t necessarily the case.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently because I really want my blog and social media to remain as a creative, fun and positive space for me to be in. As soon as I started going through my blog and Instagram and picking out the images and posts that were my favourites, it became clear that my favourite imagery is always film photography based. Creating imagery using film photography is, annoyingly, the most expensive and time-consuming way to do so, which is why I haven’t done it consistently, but it’s undoubtedly my favourite.
Despite this, not one of my top 9 images on Instagram are film based. 2 of them (including my post with the highest engagement) are mirror selfies, 2 of them are photos in which I’m wearing outfits I threw on quickly, that I didn’t like very much, and then asked my boyfriend to quickly take a photo of me in outside a train station. The others, minus one, were all taken on my iPhone during day-to-day life. Clearly then, my photos that receive the most engagement are actually the ones that require very little effort to create. This sounds good right? Quick outfit shots are easy enough for me! This is definitely what I thought for a little while.
But I started to feel so creatively stifled in creating this kind of easy content. This wasn’t so much with my blog, as this content largely stayed the same other than the imagery, but very much so with Instagram where the content is purely visual. Just because it was easy, and maybe purely because it was easy, it doesn’t mean it was fulfilling. So I’ve recently decided to shoot more and more of my imagery using my film camera, like with this post! I’m not currently making any money from my blog or my Instagram and I’m trying to look at this as an opportunity to create content that I personally love and creatively fulfils me because there is no real gain to my content performing well other than that it feeds my ego!
Sam, my boyfriend, very kindly spent a day in Liverpool with me last weekend shooting lots of photos on my film camera, some of which I included in this post. I love how all of the photos have turned out, especially these ones! I originally wore this outfit to London Fashion Week but didn’t get any photos of me wearing it, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to re-wear it and capture some images in one of my favourite parts of Liverpool, the beautiful Georgian Quarter.
I’m feeling super excited about more of my content being film photography based! Although it is expensive, it’s an investment I’m willing to make because there’s nothing I love more than sharing my film photography (as well as my writing) and photos taken on my film camera are ALWAYS my favourites.
My content isn’t going to change too much though, especially over here on my blog as I’ve never really felt the creative restrictions I sometimes experience on Instagram through blogging, probably because there aren’t any algorithms trying to dictate what I should post over here! Just expect lots more film photography and maybe some more style/fashion content on the blog.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with the Instagram ‘algorithm’ and being creative online. I am also interested, despite my ramblings about my creative freedom, to hear what content of mine, or generally, you like to read/see online, so please let me know in the comments!
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I Just Turned 20 and I Can't Stop Thinking About My Future
In my experience, there’s two types of university students: 1. those who cannot stop thinking about their future career and are doing everything in their power to prepare for it, 2. those who are purely focussed on university and making the most of their degree. Until recently, I would have put myself in the latter category but, at the moment, I just can’t stop thinking about what I’m going to do when I finish my English Literature undergrad degree.
Maybe it’s because I’ll be out of university and into the world of work in just over a years time or maybe it’s because I’ve become a little bit bored of my degree. In reality, it’s a combination of the two. I find myself all too often wishing my life away and I think it’s largely because I think a lot about things and often get excited about the future, an exciting job! A decent salary! A nice flat! I don’t have any of these things now and, to be perfectly honest, I might not even have them in a few years time. But I do feel quite optimistic about starting a career and leaving university and I just can’t stop fantasizing about it.
I’m not really thinking about anything long-term. I’ve never thought properly about what I’ll be doing in 20 years time. But thoughts about how my life will change over the next 10 years won’t leave my mind. Maybe it’s because I’ve read so many books and consumed so much media generally about women in their 20s (Dolly Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love anyone?) but I also think it’s because I’m leaving the education system for the first time ever and there’s nothing predictable about that!
I often feel guilty because I’m not as focussed on my degree as I used to be, perhaps because I’m not enjoying the rest of university life as much as I used to, but also because there are so many other things I’m doing that excite me more! I’m really lucky to, seemingly, be one of the few people who actually enjoys their degree but I am becoming more and more frustrated with its repetitive nature (read 10 books, write an essay, read 5 more books, sit an exam, repeat) and I can’t wait for my everyday life to become a little bit more interesting (and by interesting, I mean literally doing anything different to the process I just described).
By no means am I fooling myself in thinking that I’m going to get a well-paid job that I love straight out of university. I’m prepared not to have too much money for the next few years as well as working a few shitty jobs to get to a place where I’m happy. But any change from the monotony of 16 years in education will be a welcome one at this point!
Until then, lots of unpaid ‘passion projects’ on the side will have to keep me going and I’m going to try and make the most of my degree in the mean time!
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I Don't Feel Guilty About Unfollowing On Social Media and Neither Should You
Cardigan- & Other Stories
Trousers- New Look
Bag- ASOS (sold out, similar here)
Shoes- Converse
Necklaces- Missoma X Lucy Williams Mini Fang Necklace & Missoma Body Language ‘A’ Initial Necklace
I spend A LOT of time on social media, an embarrassing amount of time to be honest. The new iPhone feature that tells you your daily and weekly screen time has made me very aware of this. On average, I probably spend about 2 hours a day on Instagram, according to my phone. That’s 14 hours a week, 60 hours a month, 730 hours a year! I’ve tried SO much to cut down on my screen time but, mostly, it feels like a losing game. The truth is, we live in a society that is addicted to social media so breaking the habit of scrolling isn’t as easy as we might think.
So if I am inevitably going to be spending this much time on social media, I want it to be a positive space. I want it to add something to my life! I definitely don’t want it to make me feel bad about myself or my life. I recently watched Lucy Moon’s video about organising her life and putting mindful habits into place for the new year and one of the things she did was go through all of her Twitter and Instagram followers and unfollowed anyone who didn’t inspire her or wasn’t her friend. I thought taking the time out to do this was such a good idea as I’ve never gone through my followers in this way and I had been thinking a lot about how I wanted to make social media a more positive and productive space.
So I did just that! I started with Twitter because I’ve been using Twitter for a long time, probably about 8 years if not more, and I’d never really thought about who I’m following. Plus, Twitter had been one of the spaces I found to be stressful because of the sheer amount of words that were thrown at me, many of which were from people I’m not really in touch with anymore or accounts that I’m just no longer interested in, which meant I was consuming a lot of information that wasn’t really positive or productive for me.
Like Lucy, I wanted to continue following all of my friends, as well as accounts that I find inspiring, informative and/or positive. I didn’t actually check how many people I followed before my ‘cleanse’ but I think it was between 400-600 people and I now only follow 113 people on Twitter. My following now mostly includes my friends, bloggers/social media people whose lives I find interesting, authors and musicians and newspapers/online platforms that I enjoy (e.g. Man Repeller and The New York Times).
Even one day after my little unfollowing spree, I noticed how much more I was enjoying scrolling through my Twitter feed, and it’s actually meant that I’ve gone on Twitter less too because there isn’t as much to see so I don’t have an excuse to endlessly carry on scrolling.
I haven’t finished ‘cleansing’ my Instagram following yet, purely because it was taking a little longer as I have to look at everyone’s feeds and decide whether I think they’re adding something to my life (in the form of inspiration, positivity or information) rather than, like with Twitter, just knowing straight away whether this is the case. But I know when I do get the chance to finish clearing up my Instagram, it’s going to make scrolling there so much more positive for me too.
Despite the fact that I am doing all of this unfollowing to make social media a better space for me personally, there is still some guilt in unfollowing. Even if you haven’t spoken to someone for years, it can feel a little bitchy or arrogant to unfollow people. But it really isn’t! It’s a positive thing for you and your mental health. And after seeing how much my social media use changed for the better after doing my little ‘cleanse’, I really don’t feel guilty about it all.
I personally wouldn't be offended one bit if someone wanted to unfollow me, for whatever reason. Whether it’s because we’re not in touch anymore and they’re no longer interested in what I get up to or if it’s just that they just don’t find my content particularly interesting or inspiring! That’s fine! I feel like I’d have to be pretty vain to think that everyone is going to care about my life enough to hear about it pretty much every day.
Unfollowing people is an act of self-care, which means it’s absolutely nothing personal towards the people you’re unfollowing, in fact it’s the complete opposite, it’s all about you! And it’s okay to be selfish here. You can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t have to and if people are going to be offended that you’ve unfollowed them, it really is their own problem/issue, not yours.
So if you do have some free time over the next few days, take out an hour or two to go through your following lists on social media and cleanse it of anyone/anything that isn’t a positive influence on your life. If you spend as much time on social media as I do, it’s kind of necessary for it to be a source of positivity because if it isn’t, just think how that amount of time spent in a negative space will affect you, your mental health and your general mood. And please don’t feel guilty about it! You should never feel guilty for looking after yourself and if people are going to make you feel guilty about that, they’re not really people you want in your life anyway, so you know you’ve made the right decision in unfollowing them!
I’d love to hear how you feel about unfollowing on social media. Is ‘cleansing’ your following something you already do regularly or have you never thought about it before? Is your screen time as high as mine (please say yes)? Let me know in the comments or send me a message over on social media, speak of the devil!
Despite the fact that I’ve just referred to it as satanic, social media and a high screen time does not necessarily need to be a bad thing, as it’s often made out to be. If you can make your social media into a space that provides inspiration, positivity, information, or whatever else it is you want to get from it, it can be an amazing place to spend your time!
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20 Things I've Learnt in 20 Years
Today is my 20th birthday! I feel very weird about it. I’m no longer a teenager which freaks me out but I also feel like I’ve been part of the 20-something generation for some time now. Anyway I’m officially joining the 20-something club today! Who knows if that’s a good or bad thing? I’ll let you know in 10 years. For now, let’s go with good because I’d rather not live my life with a constant sense of impending doom.
On that positive note, here’s all the things I’ve learnt in the 20 years of my life so far, that is other than learning to walk, talk, eat, write, read… you get the idea. Really, this post is more about what I’ve learnt in the last 5-10 years of my life, but I’m sure some of it started to click a little bit earlier and 20 things in 20 years sounds much better so there you have it.
Anyway, let’s start my 20th year off with a little less rambling than normal and get on with the post! Here are the 20 things I’ve learnt in 20 years of being alive…
1. I’m a very hard working person and that’s probably one of my best and worst traits.
2. It’s ok not to enjoy the same things as everyone else.
3. I’m an introvert… definitely.
4. However much I think otherwise, I enjoy exercise and it’s one of the best things for my mental health.
5. Friendship is so, so important.
6. I’m a summer person through and through- the only thing I like about winter is Christmas. Period.
7. I have a sweet tooth.
8. It’s important to be engaged with politics but not at the expense of your mental health. It’s possible to be engaged without it being overwhelming but there’s a fine line.
9.It is actually possible to drink too much water! I am living, breathing evidence! It has affected my sleep and it’s just very inconvenient to need a wee all the time. But then again, nothing beats a refreshing glass of water- I’m an addict!
10. Travel is the best thing to spend your money on, or at least I think so. New clothes are all well and good for a couple of weeks or a month at best, but the anticipation, experience and memories that travel provides is unbeaten in terms of its longevity and how it can make you feel.
11. I’m happiest when engrossed in a book, preferably on a beach, and reading is something that I’ll never get bored of. I am a bookworm, always have been, probably/hopefully always will be.
12. I am a cat person and no one brings me joy like my little (he’s actually huge) cat Harley.
13. Working 24/7 doesn’t make you successful or even productive. Time off from work is so important and you can excel in your work without dedicating every breathing moment to it, probably even more so.
14. It’s ok to admit that you’re not coping with something and to ‘give up’. I’m not the most resilient person in the world and I’m learning to accept that. There’s no point pushing yourself through something you hate just to prove something to yourself or the people around you.
15. There’s nothing more rewarding than a good bargain from the charity shop. I will never stop feeling smug over my £2 favourite ever pair of jeans that I found.
16. Always eat the ice cream, or the chocolate, or the crisps. Restricting your diet is tiring and boring. To quote the great philosopher Drake, you only live once, and I’d like to spend my one life eating as much delicious food as possible.
17. You’ll never regret taking photos on a film camera. Whatever the cost and the hassle, they’re so worth it.
18. Romantic relationships don’t have to be easy to work. The harder times make the good times all the more incredible and they’re both just as important. I’ve learnt never to take advantage of any of my relationships, but particularly romantic ones, as the joy they bring and the things they can teach you are often unmatched.
19. Liverpool is the best city in the world.. I’m not biased okay? Honestly. I’m yet to visit a city with people as friendly as in my home town and that’s always the thing that makes me most homesick when I’m anywhere else. There are many other amazing things about it, but that deserves a blog post to itself.
20. Finally, life has bad moments, life has good moments, life has extremely mundane and in-the-middle moments. All of them are overwhelming. All of them will usually make you feel as though that’s what life is like when you’re in them, which can be as depressing as it is exhilarating. Perspective is key and learning to appreciate these moments, whether they’re minutes, days, weeks, months, or years, will only ever make you develop as a person. And I’ve done a whole ‘lotta developing over the past 20 years, let me tell you! (Very aware that this sounds like something a life-coach would say, but it’s my birthday so just let me get away with it, pleeeeease?)
Anyway, happy birthday to me! I’m off to drink cocktails in a hot tub whilst having a massage. Joking! I have an exam tomorrow and I’m not drinking alcohol at the moment, so I’m probably currently sat at my desk with a glass of water (or cordial, I mean it’s my birthday, I’ve gotta live it up a little!) 20 is a very adult age anyway so I might as well embrace it! Here’s to a great 20th year with more life lessons, more ice cream, more quality time with my cat and the people around me (but most importantly, my cat) and more of doing what makes me happy!
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Why I Really Do Love the Most Wonderful Time of The Year | 12th Day of Christmas
Top- COS
Skirt- Topshop (sold out but it’s often re-stocked, here’s the nude version which I also love)
Necklace- ASOS
It’s Christmas Eve, which means it’s the last day of my 12 Days of Christmas blog posts (more on how I’ve felt about it at the end of the post). I thought I’d end this blog series with a super simple, kind of predictable post about why I love Christmas. One of last week’s posts was about how Christmas isn’t the most wonderful time of the year for everyone, and how it isn’t really perfect for anyone. But I always look forward to Christmas and it brings a reason to be a happy during a time of the year that I often find depressing.
In fact, Christmas is pretty much the only thing I like about winter. I would skip the whole season of winter if it wasn’t for Christmas (I’d even skip my birthday which is in January). I’m a summer person through and through but, despite this, Christmas is my favourite time of the year. Singing lots of crappy but catchy songs, having an excuse to eat anything and everything and also having an excuse to see friends and family who I might not have seen for the rest of the year is something I really love. It’s a cliche but even if nothing goes to plan at Christmas, being around family and friends regularly is enough to make it my favourite time of the year in itself.
I also love how Christmas forces me to take a break. A break from UNI work, and just generally from being the overly-organised, stressed out person that I am. I tend to take it easier than normal throughout the whole month of December (although a Christmas job and this blog series hasn’t allowed that quite as much this year) and because I love Christmas so much, I feel completely justified in doing so, which is something I don’t really feel at other points in the year even when my body is crying out for rest.
I’m going to stop this post here, mostly because it’s 7:22 on the 23rd December (remember when I thought I was going to write all of these posts in advance? Ha- I’m hilarious!) but also because I think everyone knows why Christmas-lovers are the way we are even if they don’t love Christmas as much themselves, so there’s no point me babbling on about it for 1000 words.
This post is also a short one because there’s a few more photos than usual. I love these photos, taken by the wonderful Jenny Gavan. I’m wearing my favourite Topshop red skirt in them, which epitomises Christmas for me, dancing around with tinsel and fairy lights, next to a freshly-decorated Christmas tree. What’s not to love?
I really hope you’ve enjoyed my 12 Days of Christmas posts. They’ve been hard work but I’ve also really enjoyed pumping a whole lot of content into my fresh new blog design and sharing my love of the festive season with you all. Hopefully they can provide festive inspiration for years to come- especially because I don’t think my schedule during my final year of UNI will allow me to do something like this next year. But I might try and come up with some sort of summer series in which I post every day for a certain period. Do let me know if this is something you’d be interested in!
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas filled with rest, food and loooove (for yourself as much as those around you) <3
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A Very Sober Christmas | 10th Day of Christmas
Dress- Urban Outfitters
In October of this year, I was advised by a doctor to stop drinking alcohol for 6 months, or maybe even forever. I’m not going to go into the details of why here because it’s just not that interesting but, very basically, I become very ill (think food poisoning symptoms) after a minimal amount of alcohol (I have been known to throw up for 2 days after 2 ciders, it’s extremely inconvenient). So 6 months off is either going to let my body re-build it’s tolerance up so I am OK to drink forever, or I am just going to have no tolerance to alcohol ever and never be able to drink alcohol again. Basically- I’ve become the biggest lightweight known to man.
When I’ve told people that I can’t drink at the moment, many of the responses are ‘But what about Christmas? Are you actually not going to drink all Christmas?’ People are generally baffled by the fact that I’m going to spend the festive period sober. This is probably because for about 4 years of my life I used to get very drunk every weekend without question, which is potentially the reason why I can’t drink now but like I said, it’s a long story.
But I also think it’s also because Christmas is a time of the year that is very much associated with alcohol. Last night was supposedly the biggest night out of the year, prosecco on Christmas day is near enough mandatory and also part of the festive season is New Year’s Eve, another night which is very much alcohol-focused.
However, I’m not nearly as intimidated as other people are at the prospect of not drinking alcohol this Christmas. I mean, I’d rather not spend the holiday period with my head over the toilet so there’s a lot of incentive not to drink. Plus, Christmas is also the time of year where nights in watching Christmas films and having an early night are encouraged maybe just as much as going out, so there’s that.
I’ve also managed to (kind of) get through 2 months of being a student and living in one of the most highly-populated student areas in the UK without drinking alcohol and perhaps the only thing that is associated with alcohol more than Christmas is student life. So if I’ve done that, I think I can stay sober through anything!
I don’t really know how I feel about not being able to drink alcohol at the moment. I haven’t hated it but I haven’t loved it. In all honesty, I haven’t noticed much of a difference to my life. I’ve had a lot of nights in but nights out haven’t really been an option over the last 2 months anyway because I’ve been so busy during the days that the only way I want to spend my evenings is passed out on the couch. The worst thing about not drinking alcohol isn’t actually the not being drunk part anyway, it’s all the unwanted attention I get from people who are interested in why I’m not drinking which never fails to make me uncomfortable.
I’m not even particularly looking forward to March when I can ‘officially’ try to start drinking again. I think this is partly because I’m skeptical as to whether anything will have changed in the way that my body reacts to alcohol but also because I no longer enjoy nights out like I used to (here I go again…19 going on 90).
I think I enjoy quieter nights, going out for food, to the cinema or just nights with friends that end with me in bed by 1am much more nowadays. It’d still be nice to be able to have a few drinks every now and then without being horribly ill but I don’t have a huge desire to get really drunk.
This has nothing to do with why I’ve stopped drinking but being drunk, and especially having a hangover, really does trigger my anxiety. Many of my worst panic attacks have happened when I’ve been drunk or the morning after, so I think this is another reason as to why I’m not overly nostalgic about drinking alcohol.
Overall, I feel fine about having a sober Christmas. I have a new found love for Coca Cola (hence me holding a can of it in all these photos as if I’m sponsored by the brand) which, believe it or not, I didn’t really used to like! Plus, not drinking leaves more room for food, so hopefully I can beat my own record of how much chocolate and crisps I can inhale over the period between Christmas Eve and New Years Day.
Let me know if you’d like more content on how I’m finding not drinking, particularly on how I find it as a university student. I’d also be super interested to hear about your relationship with alcohol, especially over the festive period. Let me know in the comments or on social media! I’ll see you back here tomorrow for a post on my favourite Christmas traditions.
The Christmas Blues | 8th Day of Christmas
When I was planning my 12 Days of Christmas blog posts, I was obviously trying to think of festive themes to include. But I also really wanted to include a post talking about how Christmas isn’t a happy, festive time for everyone, despite what the media (and especially social media) presents. I’m definitely contributing to this festive facade of every day of December being one full of cheer with this series of blog posts and with my other content on social media this month and that’s why I was adamant about including a post such as this one, to remind anyone who might be reading my blog and who feels like they’re not feeing as Christmassy as they should be that they really don’t have to be!
Christmas can be difficult for people for a number of reasons; grief, loss, mental health issues, work, family problems… the list goes on. The holiday season isn’t this perfect month of happiness for anyone really, everyone has something going on in their life and it doesn’t disappear just because Michael Buble is back on the radio 24/7 (although a bit of Buble can definitely help, I have to admit!)
For me, Christmas generally is a happy time of the year and one that I always look forward to. But it still never lives up to my expectations of it being totally stress-free. I’m still thinking about Uni work and my anxiety hasn’t magically disappeared, if anything it’s escalated a little because this is such a busy time of year!
If you’re really not into Christmas this year, just try and treat it as an opportunity to rest. Hopefully you have some time off work and can treat the holiday season instead of the season of festive fun, as the season of self-care. Read a book you love or have wanted to read forever (a distinctly non-festive one would work well), watch your favourite films that have nothing to do with Christmas, take advantage of the huge selection of chocolate in your local supermarket at the moment and bury yourself in your duvet with it. Or do whatever else makes you happy, whether it’s festive or not!
I understand that it’s definitely not as simple as this though. Dealing with loss, grief or mental health issues isn’t just as simple as doing self-care and I can imagine it’s harder than I’m implying to remove yourself from the festivities of Christmas. That’s why this isn’t really an advice post. I don’t think I’m qualified to give advice on this subject and I don’t want to just hand out basic self-care advice like ‘try a face mask’ as I think that’s a little bit reductive and insulting.
Instead, this post is an acknowledgment and a reminder that Christmas doesn’t have to be the most wonderful time of the year for you and there’s no need to feel guilty if it isn’t. I also wanted to link to some other blog posts written on this same subject which I think could be really comforting if you are struggling with Christmas this year:
Some Thoughts on Christmas by Lizzy Hadfield (Shot From the Street)
A Different Perspective on Christmas by Isabelle Hardy (Fashion et Moi)
I hope you’ve benefitted from this post in some way and if anything I hope you’ve taken away from it that if you are feeling a little bit crap this Christmas, that’s ok! It’ll be over in 2 weeks time anyway and there’s really no obligation to get involved if you don’t want to- take it from Chloe in her blog post! I’d be really interested to know how you’re feeling about Christmas this year, whether it’s good or bad. And as always, my direct messages on social media are always open so you’re welcome to talk to me about it privately if you’d like to!
Everything I Like Is Bad But Is Feeling Guilty About It Helpful?
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
Top- Charity Shop, Second Hand (similar
)
Jeans- Vintage YSL, Armstrongs Edinburgh (similar
)
Coat- Charity Shop, Second Hand (similar
)
Shoes-
Bag- Zara (old, similar
)
Necklace-
As a society, and more specifically as a generation, we seem to be becoming more and more aware of how many aspects of our lives are harmful, whether that’s sustainably, ethically, psychologically- the list goes on. Every couple of months there seems to be a new realisation on how a fundamental part of many of our lives is not as innocent as we thought.
Fashion and buying clothes? That’s the second biggest polluter in the world. A mindless scroll through Instagram? The cause of all your insecurities. Reading a book, surely nothing wrong with that? Think again, do you know how many trees are killed to make one book? Eating anima... Oh wait, I’ve got this one down, I’m vegan so we’re all good there. Wait what? Palm oil is destroying rainforests and is in a whole lot of vegan products including... Oreos?? It all feels like too much.
I’m not saying that we should just be ignoring all these facts and statistics and that people are being ‘snowflakes’ (I hate that term) about these things- we shouldn’t and they’re not. Our consumption of fast fashion is excessive and is causing too much harm to our planet; social media can negatively affect people’s mental health (although this one isn’t as straightforward as others in my opinion, read my blog post discussing this here); kindles are much more environmentally friendly than a hard or paperback and palm oil is destroying rainforests. But I love buying and styling new clothes, social media is a HUGE part of my life, palm oil is in a lot of vegan products and is very difficult to avoid and well, to be honest, I just really don’t like kindles... perhaps I’m being a little stubborn with this one.
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
These justifications all sound a little trivial, I’m aware. But trivial or not, all of these things with negative impacts on our world are big parts of my life that I don’t know how, nor do I necessarily want to, be completely rid of.
(DISCLAIMER:Obviously there are countless more aspects of life that have negative impacts but these are the ones that I think are most relevant to my life, which is why I’ve used them as examples.)
So what I’m saying is, it’s impossible for me, and I’m hoping others too otherwise this post is pointless and I’m seriously weak-willed, to just cut anything with a potentially negative impact totally out of their lives. For me, even reducing my consumption/usage of these thing also proves difficult. So instead, lots of people, me being one of them, are talking about making a ‘conscious effort’ to reduce their intake of something/s that are harmful. But sometimes, at least for me and seemingly for some others, this just seems to be away of saying ‘I’m aware that this is bad and I know I should change my habits but I don’t know how to and therefore I probably won’t or at least not enough to make material change’.
Changing your mindset is one thing but changing your habits is another, much more difficult thing to do. So how do we do it? I honestly have no answer. In fact, I have many questions! And I think raising awareness of all of these things is great but what we really need is solutions that aren’t extreme but are practical, do-able steps that people can follow to try and change the way they live. I’m aware that in writing this blog post just to say this, I’m being a little hypocritical. But I don’t feel qualified to provide any answers and if anything this post is a cry for help and a call to arms to people who might be reading this who have managed to stop buying fast fashion or cut palm oil out of their diet to help us all and provide tips that don’t scare anyone, including me, off (I think I mentioned my weak will earlier?)
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
It’s also just a post to vocalise how I feel about the current climate being one in which we have to think about the ethical implications of everything we do, which can often make us feel a little bit helpless. And this is how I feel right now. I really want to find ways to deal with all of the problematic things I mentioned earlier and all of the other problematic elements of my life and habits that I haven't mentioned. But I also don’t feel like I can suddenly change pretty much every part of my life, big and small, which comes with a sense of guilt that isn’t really helpful or productive.
For example, I recently set myself a challenge of not buying any new clothes in November and failed a few weeks in (damn you Black Friday). But, for the most part anyway, telling myself I couldn't buy any clothes only made me want to shop more and left me with a list of things I was going to buy when this terrible month (I'm joking, kind of) was over, so it did anything but change this habit of mine and seemingly only made it worse.
I think manageable steps will work better for me and this is what I want to try and focus on but it still feels like I'm failing because I'm not doing enough in doing this. I feel like this despite the fact that manageable steps have proven to be more sustainable long-term for me. For example, every piece of clothing I'm wearing in this photo was bought second-hand, and I didn't even put these pieces together intentionally. So why do I feel guilty about not doing enough?
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
Changing our habits slowly doesn't bring the same sense of gratification as totally giving them up does, but I think sometimes the latter method is used only to prove yourself; for example, not buying any clothes for a month, posting about it all over social media, and then buying double the amount of clothes you'd usually buy the next month. I'm not writing this method of going cold turkey completely off as I'm sure it has worked for some people. But the narrative that the only way we can keep our conscience clear is by giving up things completely and the sense of guilt that comes with not doing this is unproductive and unsustainable.
Like I said, this post isn't providing answers. It's purely an attempt to vocalise how I feel about the societal guilt surrounding more and more things in our life and to consider how productive this is. Making a 'conscious effort' doesn't feel like enough but going cold turkey isn't a feasible option for many people, so how do we change our habits in a positive, sustainable way without feeling guilty about not doing enough? I'd love to hear your ideas on how we should deal with all the issues society is discovering with its ever-growing ethical, environmental , psychological (etc.) awareness without having to feel a sense of shame about everything we do. Let me know in the comments or on social media, and please share any links to resources you've found helpful on this topic!
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
EVERYTHING I LIKE IS BAD BUT IS FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT HELPFUL?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Jumper-
Skirt- Topshop (currently sold out but they're re-stocking it quite regularly at the moment- I will post a link to my Twitter when/if it is re-stocked again)
Necklace-
Today's post was going to be an update on how I've been dealing with my anxiety, something I've been planning on writing for a few weeks. When I realised it was International Mental Health Day on Wednesday I thought this post would be even more apt. But it was ironically that day that made me change my mind. Although it's a great way of helping raise awareness of mental health issues, it meant that a lot of people were sharing their own stories of their own mental health problems, which, again, is a good way of helping to add to the evergrowing conversation around mental health. However, for me, I found listening to other people's stories overwhelming and triggering. It was one of the first times I've really had to make myself to put my phone down and stay off social media for the day/night because it became quite a negative space for me.
This got me thinking about how much of my life I wanted to be sharing on social media. On my blog in the past, I've been happy to talk a lot about my personal experiences and, by doing so, I've been able to connect with people going through similar things, which has definitely been really positive. But after feeling so overwhelmed by hearing others' stories on Wednesday, I began to rethink whether sharing so much really is the best thing to do.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
The conversation around the ethics of sharing on social media has been growing so much over the past few months. From Katherine Ormerod's new book 'Why Social Media Is Ruining Your Life', and the corresponding Instagram hashtag, to Pandora Syke's recent article for Man Repeller, it's definitely a topic that's hot on people's tongues. Much of the conversation around this subject argues that we should be presenting more honest perceptions of ourselves on social media, better reflections of our 'real life'. I can definitely see how the facades of social media can be harmful for many people, seeing people live seemingly perfectly lives and feeling like yours just doesn't live up is definitely a negative thing. But, for me, this just isn't the case. I use social media as a form of escapism, just I use books, TV and other forms of media. I think this was why being faced with so many 'real-life' stories similar to mine felt so difficult for me. I like seeing a 'glossy' version of people's lives on social media and I'm very, very aware that everyone's Instagram feeds are a highlight reel of their life (although I do like seeing a bit of 'real life' over on Instagram stories). I like using social media as a way of pursuing my interests, from fashion to books to food and reading and seeing photos around these topics definitely helps me switch off and feel more positive. But as real people, should we be sharing our real lives on the internet all the time?
Most people at the moment, it seems to me, would probably answer yes. The word 'responsibility' comes up a lot when talking about how bloggers and 'influencers' should be using social media and obviously there is some sense of responsibility attached to the job title, like there is with any job. But should people really feel as though they have to share every single aspect of their lives with strangers online? Is it helpful if they do? I don't have any answers. I don't know how I feel about it. At the moment, I think maybe users of social media should take responsibility for their own usage, unfollowing people who make them feel negative and limiting their usage of social media if they know it's not good for them. Because, for me, Instagram, most of the time, feels like quite a positive space for me (even if I waste far too much of my time scrolling) and I can only see it becoming more negative and triggering, personally, if people were to start sharing the more negative aspects of their life on there, especially if they were only doing so because they felt they had to.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
I'm not advocating for social media, specifically Instagram, to be a completely honest or dishonest portrayal of 'real life', I think I'd like it to be somewhere in the middle, which, with most people I follow, is where I think it's at now. I think it all comes down to personal choices in terms of posting and following. Maybe for me it's positive to talk about some of my own negative experiences online but generally not helpful to read about other people's? Is this contradictory? Yes. But is this ok? I think probably yes. Because if other people, like me, don't feel good about reading other people's struggles or 'real life' issues, then they can unfollow me. Maybe I wouldn't even follow myself? Now this is really getting morally confusing. You can tell I don't know where my mind is at on this subject. But I thought I'd put my confused thoughts out on to the internet anyway because I think there is an interesting conversation to be had about this topic and I'd like to contribute to it, even if I'm doing so unhelpfully.
I'd absolutely love to hear your views on the topic of sharing online. Do you feel a responsibility to make sure your Instagram page is a completely honest version of you? How do you go about avoiding the bits of social media that you find negative? Let me know in the comments or send me a message over on Instagram or Twitter.
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Should We Bare Our Souls Online?
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Photography by Ami Ford.
I'm finally back with a new blog post after a brief hiatus due to a busy couple of weeks and some personal struggles, which I will go into more later in the post. But I've been wanting to write on this topic and share these photos for what feels like forever now and I'm finally getting round to it today. These photos were taken by the incredible Ami Ford, whose work I had admired from afar for some time and so was delighted to be able to shoot with her, and I'm so happy with the outcome! You can find her on Instagram here, Twitter here or visit her website here.
Today's post is inspired by these photos and specifically, the location that these photos were taken in. This was perhaps one of the busiest road in Manchester on the Sunday afternoon we were shooting on, meaning I really had to have confidence in what I was doing as posing in the middle of a very busy road in a bright yellow midi dress with every passerby staring at you with confused/baffled looks can/could have been an uncomfortable situation. In fact, posing for photos in any situation, even if there are only one or two confused onlookers, and sharing them on social media is quite a daunting concept generally and something I'm still trying to become totally comfortable in.
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Anything that you do that is a little bit different, especially if it involves self-promotion, is probably going to be scary and weird. Since becoming more confident in doing my own thing, my life has only improved however I'm still not 100% there yet at all. So much so that, after a little (read: huge) wobble after moving to UNI last week, I considered not writing this post as I didn't think I was qualified to discuss this topic. But then I realised that if I wait till I feel totally comfortable in myself and my interests and habits, I'm probably never going to get round to writing it as I don't even know if it's possible to feel that way to such an extent. So I thought I would use this post to discuss the areas of my life in which I'm trying to become more comfortable in doing my own thing whilst also providing some tips to help others do the same.
INTERESTS AND IDEAS: STARTING MY BLOG
The first area in which I've really had to push myself out of my comfort zone is, as you might have guessed from the first part of this post and from previous posts, starting and running this blog. Having a blog, especially one that is fashion/style-based, means you’re constantly having to promote yourself and, at times, bare your soul to the internet, not knowing who's going to see it or what reaction it's going to get. These are the reasons why it took me so long to properly commit to having a blog but, as with most things, now I have it these two things, and everything else that comes along with it, are not so scary at all.
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
I do still feel a little bit uncomfortable with the self-promotion thing and it's definitely not my favourite part about having a blog, especially in person, but it's something that I've got used to and definitely don't feel scared or embarrassed about anymore. The only advice I really have for starting something you want to do whether it's a blog, a YouTube channel, a music career etc. is just start it. Everyone says this but it's so true. You're going to have to get over being embarrassed about it and, if it's something you feel passionately about and enjoy, you'll get over it so much quicker than you think. Plus, if you're surrounded by good people then they'll support you and if you aren't, at least it will help you realise that there are some shitty people in your life who don't need to be there.
SOCIAL AND PERSONAL LIFE: GOING OUT AND DRINKING ALCOHOL
The next part of my life where I've had to try and do my own thing, and probably the most difficult part for me, is learning how I like to spend my time and realising that this is not how most people my age, in my situation like to do so. Yep, this is the part where I reveal that I'm 19 going on 90, far more inclined to spend my Saturday night watching Strictly Come Dancing then getting drunk and staying up till 5am. I've not always been like this, I used to love a good night out and a drink, admittedly before it was legal/acceptable for me to do so, and I think that's part of the reason why it's mostly not for me anymore.
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Some people don't ever grow out of getting drunk and partying but a lot of people do and I think because I started out so early I am just a little bit bored by it now and definitely not excited by it. The other reasons why I've retired from being a party type of girl are much more difficult to navigate as they're purely health related. I've struggled with IBS and anxiety, as you'll probably know if you've read my blog before, for over 2 years now and they are both extremely negatively affected by drinking alcohol and a lack of sleep. I'm not going to go into it too much, because you really don't want to know about my digestive issues, trust me, but after drinking 3-4 ciders on Thursday night, I was not only fairly drunk (I've always been a lightweight but my lack of drinking has only accentuated that) but I spent the entirety of Friday with horrendous stomach pains, meaning I struggled to stand up by the end of the day, plus any feelings of anxiety are multiplied by 100.
This has been quite difficult for me because, as a student, the main activity that my friends engage in is drinking alcohol (FYI: I don't judge them for this at all, everyone enjoys different things and they're just as entitled to enjoy drinking as I am to not enjoy it). However, in my experience, the best thing you can do in these types of situations is be open with people. No one is going to get annoyed with you if you tell them how negatively you feel about doing something (even if your reasons for this aren't health-related) but they might if you cancel on plans last minute with an obviously-fake excuse or constantly decline their plans with no explanations. My friends are always so kind to me about not drinking or not going out and try to make effort with me to organise different types of things to do, meaning I rarely have to force myself through awkward and anxious nights and even worse morning-afters, something that was a weekly affair for me during my first year of UNI when I refused to be honest with anyone about it.
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES: DEALING WITH ANXIETY
The final thing I want to discuss is dealing with mental health issues and I know this sounds weird because 'doing your own thing' does not usually equate to having anxiety. But I think the most important thing in dealing with a mental health problem is accepting it and being confident that you know what the best things to do for you are and doing them, no matter what anyone else thinks. If you want to eat a pack of biscuits for tea because that's the only thing you feel hungry for and you don't have the energy to make anything else, do it (this is a case study from my life, specifically during the last week). If you feel like you need an extension on an essay or any sort of mitigating circumstances, talk to someone at your school/college/UNI about it.
You're the only person who knows exactly how you feel and you can't be embarrassed about your needs or the way you're feeling and avoid them because no one else is going to be able to guess what you want to do and help you. Something I found difficult last year and over the past week since moving back to UNI is feeling like I need/want to come home because being at UNI makes me anxious. There is such a stigma around going home from UNI, in my experience, because people feel as though they need to 'stick it out' to prove their independence and that UNI is the best years of their life. I felt the same way last year and forced myself to stay for UNI for weeks even though I knew a weekend at home would do me the world of good and I was very much in a position to go home. Now, mostly because of the incredible support of my friends and family, I feel absolutely no shame in coming home for a weekend or even every weekend, because if that's what I need to do to get through the days without a panic attack then that's what I'll do.
I realise this post has been a little bit of a ramble but it's something that I've wanted to speak about for a while and, clearly, have a lot to say about. I hope it's inspired you to do something this week that you want to do for you, whether that's starting a blog, saying no to something you don't want to do or booking an appointment with a counsellor. Be sure to leave me a comment or message me on social media if you want to discuss this topic further or talk about my experiences or your experiences. My DM's on Twitter and Instagram are always open!
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
Having Confidence in Doing Your Own Thing
A Summer Type Of Girl
A Summer Type Of Girl
It really feels like the end of summer now. As much as I've tried to drag it out, it's now usually necessary to wear a jacket when leaving the house and I have no more trips booked. But I can't really complain, I've had so much fun and made so many memories this summer and I'm glad I've made the most of what is my penultimate 'official summer holiday' as a student. I've also been working quite a lot and making some money, most of which I've spent on decorating my second year university room. Anyway, I wanted to write this post to commemorate and look back on this summer and talk about why the summer months really are my favourite part of the year.
As a January baby, you might not expect me to be such a summer lover, but I am renowned for always wanting what I can't have. I do love Christmas but apart from that, the winter months just don't do it for me. So many people talk about how much they love winter fashion, and I must admit I am getting very excited about buying some new knitwear, but, generally, in the UK it's too cold to wear anything remotely stylish and so I end up wearing the same outfit with the same ugly coat all the time. The thought of snuggling up by the fire in a blanket with a book also appeals to me but honestly this actually happens to me three times at a push and most of my experiences of winter involve waiting for the bus in the freezing cold/rain and dreading leaving my bed in the morning. But enough of my complaining about the winter, let me tell you about why I love summer so much, and why this summer was one of the best.
I guess I always associate summer with time off, time off from education that is. Summer is the time when I can do all the things that make me feel like myself and this always leaves me feeling so reinvigorated. It's also associated with travelling, which is one of my favourite things to do, and, this one's not always a given in the UK, sunny weather, which is inarguably better than cold weather and I refuse to dispute this with anyone. My happiest place is probably lying on a beach in a bikini with a book and I don't think there's a time when I feel more relaxed than this. Summer for me isn't an excuse to be lazy though. Despite taking time off education, I always make the most of summer to allow me to be creative, travel and really make the most of the free time I have to spend with friends and family. I think pretty much all my favourite memories have been made in summer and I was worried that this year because I have been working pretty much full-time that this wouldn't be the case, and summer just wouldn't be as good. But, as much as working has exhausted me, it has by no means ruined my summer and this one has still been one of the best ever. I think this proves that it's not just the time off that makes summer so great for me, it's the ease that comes along with it, whether that's simple dressing, spontaneous plans or the fact that I find it so much easier to be happy when I'm woken up through the sun shining through the gaps in my blinds.
This summer I have travelled more than ever before. I feel so unbelievably lucky to have been to so many incredible places and if you'd like to hear more about them in detail then head to the travel section of my blog here to catch up on travel guides and my travels documented on 35mm film. I thought in this post what I would do is share some of my favourite memories from this summer, home and away, so I can always remember to be grateful for everything the past few months have had in store for me.
The start of summer for me feels like my holiday in Corfu with my sister and my mum- this was the ultimate girly, relaxing holiday from spending our days by the pool to our nights on the balcony in our pyjamas dancing to terrible ABBA tribute bands. I was still in the midst of my exams at this point but managed to really put them to one side and enjoy this holiday, which was so important for me in my process of remembering that academic excellence is not the be all and end all of life.
When my exams were over I headed to Parklife Festival, which, as a weekend, is one of my favourite memories from summer. I met up with new and old friends and danced the weekend away and I still have the remains of glitter dotted in and amongst my belongings to prove it. Parklife is also an amazing memory for me because I remember every single bit of it because I was more or less sober for the whole weekend! I've talked about this briefly before but as someone who deals with anxiety and chronic stomach issues, me+alcohol = bad news, so to be able to enjoy this festival without feeling judged sober was a big feat for me.
Then came a period of about a month that I spent at home and at work and enjoyed the UK's glorious heatwave. My favourite memories from this period mostly took place in beer garden's with friends and also in the garden soaking up the sun (and attempting and mostly failing to put up a paddling pool) with Sam. This is what I mean about summer weather making seeing friends so much easier and spontaneous! Everyone wants to go out in the sun when it's there so everyone generally does.
A Summer Type Of Girl
The main event of July was my trip to Barcelona, a city I absolutely fell in love with and an AIRBNB that was my dream home for when I'm a 20-something. I fell in love with the city, the people and, more than anything, THE FOOD. Oh the food. I will never stop talking about those vegan Nutella donuts. I consider booking a flight over there almost daily just to grace my mouth one more time with those heavenly creations.
The first week of August for me was spent in Bath with Sam's family, a beautiful city and a really relaxing trip, proving that you don't need to go abroad to escape everyday life. Note to self: must go on more UK-based holidays. I came back to a week home alone as my family flew out to Fuerteventura a week earlier than Sam and I so I could get some shifts in at work but it seemed like no time until I joined them out there. This felt like a quintessential family holiday for me, with all the good bits and the bad...but mostly good. I got through three books (relaxing holidays like this are always an excuse for me to read as much as possible) and spent some quality time with my family and Sam and also ate a lot (that's definitely a theme of this summer).
A Summer Type Of Girl
I got back from Fuerteventura and within less than a week I was in Paris, on my final trip of the summer with one of my closest friends, Maisie! I've been to Paris before 4 years ago but I fell in love with it even more this time. There is a mini guide to Paris coming your way very soon so I won't go into it too much but let's just say that Paris truly has my heart.
So yeah this summer has been pretty amazing to say the least. And not just because of the places I've been but because of the people I've spent it with (sorry for the cringe). During the academic year I am a hectic mess so I am so grateful to have these summer months not only because of the weather but because it reminds me how important spending time with the people in my life really is. But I'm still going to try and stay positive for the autumn/winter months, however hard that might be for me. Not to wish my life away but I feel like I'm already making plans and counting down the days for summer 2019, I just can't help it!
A Summer Type Of Girl
A Summer Type of Girl
A Summer Type Of Girl
A Summer Type Of Girl
A Summer Type Of Girl
A Summer Type Of Girl
A Summer Type of Girl
The Importance of Shopping Sustainably and Independently
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
I've been wanting to write this blog post for a while now and have been really excited about it, hence me posting it in the middle of the week as a bit of a bonus post. The reason for this is the incredible top I am wearing in these photos. I picked it up at a store in the Gracia region of Barcelona, called the 8pm Store, conveniently situated just next to the apartment we were staying in, off my cousins recommendation. The 8pm Store is an independent concept, fashion store, stocking clothes all of which have been designed sustainably in Barcelona as well as an art exhibition. The clothing in the store was so cool and being in the store itself was an amazing experience. Plus, the owner was so friendly, explaining to me more about the idea and logistics behind the store, also gifting me a free postcard from their last exhibition, which was such a nice touch and really made me feel happy for the rest of the day.
This experience got me thinking about why it is so important to support independent fashion. I would never have had an experience like that in a high-street store and because fashion is a really creative thing for me, it's so inspiring to have a shopping experience like I did in The 8pm Store. Another really great shopping experience I had was also on my travels this year back in March when I went to Edinburgh at Armstrongs Vintage. I was also recommended to this shop by a friend, this is definitely the best way to find places to go when travelling from my experience, and it was probably (definitely) the best vintage shop I've ever been to. It was huge and the choice was incredible, from costume dress to the most incredible vintage denim. This is where I picked up the jeans I'm wearing in this photo, they're by YSL and cost me a mere £20. I have pretty much always been looking for the perfect pair of white jeans and these are them. I had to get them taken up, which wasn't expensive, but altering is definitely always worth it as a piece that fits you properly will mean you want to wear it more often and longer.
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
I realise I've spent the first half of this post gushing over these two shops, they're seriously worth the fangirling though, so I'm going to move on to what this post is actually about, why shopping sustainably and independently is important. We all know the horrors of fast-fashion, from horrendous factory conditions to the colossal environmental effect, so I'm not going to guilt-trip you with any statistics. Especially because I still very much buy clothes from fast fashion retailers, it's the most convenient and affordable way to shop and as much I've tried to avoid it, I just can't at the moment, partly because financial reasons and partly because of selfish ones. So, instead, I'm making a conscious effort to support sustainable and independent shops and brands more often as well.
The most expensive sustainable fashion tends to be the brands who have built themselves on this ethos because it's expensive being ethical in every single way and that's just the way it is. I'm talking about the likes of Reformation and Everlane. The 8pm Store falls into this category of store though and although it's more expensive than your average high-street store, it's still really affordable. The top I'm wearing in this photo, which is handmade and of incredible quality, cost me between €35-40 (I can't remember the exact amount), which is definitely more than I would spend on a piece like this at a high-street store. But I was willing to pay not only for this top that I love, but for the experience of being in the shop and the sustainablity behind the piece. This is something that can be hard to take into account when you put a similar piece from an independent, sustainable designer next to a Topshop piece for a fraction of the piece but I personally think, if you're able to, it's 100% worth supporting the former for the reasons I've just mentioned.
However, most of the time I'm just not able to buy expensive pieces, which often means I resort to the high-street. But another option is something that I love and have found some of my favourite pieces I own from, charity shops. They're so unbelievably cheap AND you're supporting a good cause by buying from them. My favourite pair of jeans cost £2 from a charity shop and the cost per wear is definitely in the minus' now. Although charity shopping can be time consuming, I'll often set out an entire afternoon or morning to go and look around the charity shops, it's so rewarding and can help you save so much money that it's 100% worth it. I know people are sceptical of charity shops but you won't believe the gems you'll find in there and most of the things haven't been worn or have barely been worn so there is no need to worry about that aspect of it. Obviously, as well, it's by far the most sustainable way to shop.
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
Moving on to the second part of the title of this post, shopping independently. This is something that I am very good at whilst travelling but pretty poor at when at home. At home I'm all too temped to revert to the trusty high street but on holiday, shopping independently is an amazing way to get to know the place you're in. The predominant way that I shop independently at home is through charity shops and vintage shops. Both of the places I am based, Liverpool and Manchester, have a great array of independent clothing stores that don't fall into the categories just mentioned and are a little more expensive but I think it's just getting into the habit and mindset of shopping there.
Nevertheless though, I still try and make an effort to shop independently because, as I mentioned, there's nothing better than having an amazing shopping experience and independent shops definitely offer that more than chains do. Plus, they give a place character. Whenever I go away, whether it's in the UK or abroad, I always try and steer away from what I'm going to call the 'chain area' of the city and venture out to the areas that actually feel like you're in a different place. I'd hate anywhere I live to not have this feel at all and if we don't support these independent businesses then they'll no longer exist.
Here's a list of some of my favourite independent stores, from fashion to all sorts of other things with links to their websites/social media:
The 8pm Store, Barcelona (Fashion/Art)
Armstrongs Vintage, Edinburgh (Fashion)
COW Vintage, Liverpool, Manchester and Various Other Places (Fashion)
Utility, Liverpool (Home/Gifts)
Chapter One, Manchester (Bookstore/Cafe)
Fred Aldous, Manchester (Art/Gifts)
Park St in Bristol has the best independent vintage shops, I can't choose just one from the one time I've visited (Fashion)
I hope you've enjoyed this post and that it's given you some encouragement to head down to your local independent clothing store, or try and shop a little bit more sustainably! You won't regret carving some time out to visit your local charity shops or vintage shops to grab a bargain. Even if you go high-street shopping afterwards, you've probably saved yourself some money by buying something second-hand and you're helping to save the world a little bit at the same time, so it's a win-win. I'd love to hear your favourite independent shops or the best ways, in your opinion, to shop sustainably in the comments or on social media! As mentioned, I'm by no means perfect with this and am not claiming to be so any tips and recommendations are very welcome!
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
The Importance of Sustainable and Independent Fashion/Shopping
Top- Dreamers Not Allowed
Jeans- Vintage YSL, Armstrongs Vintage
Shoes- Vans
Sunglasses- Mango
Hair Clips- Accesorize
Necklace- Alex Monroe
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
The ethos behind my favourite ever website/blog/publication, Man Repeller, is 'where an interest in fashion never minimises ones intellect', which is one of the reasons why it's one of my favourite places on the internet. For a long time, an interest in fashion and/or clothes has equated to being a little bit dim, to put it nicely. After all, the most intelligent people don't care about what they look like, right? Steve Jobs wears the same clothes every day! Wrong. Being interested in fashion, whether it's fashion styling, writing or simply shopping, has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. In fact, some of the people I admire the most because of their intelligence (cough, cough Pandora Sykes, my ultimate dream girl in every area of life) have built themselves or their careers through fashion, or use it to define a big part of themselves.
I've always wanted a career within the fashion industry, but as my life took a more 'academic' path and I really started to care about my academic performance, which also led to a boost in my grades, I began to doubt whether this type of career was for me. This was almost sub-conscious, perhaps partly because I know it's a competitive industry, but I think mostly because I thought I should do something more by the books, and, as an English Lit student, something specifically to do with books. Maybe I still will end up going down this path career-wise but I'm definitely more open and more interested in a career within the fashion industry, thinking of it as something that will allow me to reach my full potential in so many ways and something that I would be proud of, not ashamed of.
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
Many people think putting outfits together and photographing them is a waste of time and vain but, for me, it's a really creative process. It provides me with a space to be creative and, although I'm not always completely comfortable in front of the camera, it's something that I really enjoy altogether. It's not something that everyone can do, whether that's because they don't enjoy it/don't have the patience for it or because they simply are not good at styling. I'm not trying to say that I have a talent for putting outfits together or anything but getting dressed in the morning is a creative process for me and, especially on days when I'm glued to my desk doing UNI work, I really appreciate and enjoy this moment of creativity.
Wearing school uniform was something I absolutely hated, and wearing the same clothes for work at the moment has a similar effect on me, and unlike other peers who would say that they missed the ease of their uniform, being able to choose my own outfit every day, as little of a thing as it seems now, was so liberating for me. I don't have anything against Steve Jobs, or anyone else who wears the same clothes every day, and I'm not saying he's not creative (he definitely is) because everyone is creative in different ways. But just because I spend 15 minutes (sometimes much, much longer) deciding what to wear in the morning, that does not make me any less of an efficient or intelligent person and it is not something to be looked down on and I think it should be seen as creative as writing and drawing and all of the other generically creative acts, because it feels that way for me.
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
I carry absolutely zero shame for having an interest in fashion anymore and that's why I wanted to dedicate this post to Man Repeller. Because Leandra (the founder of Man Repeller) has created a space where women can have intelligent and important conversations, whilst also writing and reading about the phenomenon of gym shorts as a 'thing' (this is a real, and good, article currently on the site).
I try to create a similar space with my blog, but obviously in this case it's just me talking to myself. The posts vary from fashion-based, discussion-based to many other things and I feel just as confident in writing about them all. Man Repeller also allows me to feel justified in writing about more than one thing on my blog and not having a niche, something that I've tried to create and failed. I want this blog to be a reflection of me and because I am a multi-faceted human being, that means I am going to write about lots of different things, usually uniting them with posey photos of me, such as these ones taken in Liverpool's St John's Gardens.
Anyway, I ran off on a bit of a tangent there (what's new?) but I just wanted to write this post to try and dismantle the stigma around fashion . I hope I've helped you to shatter any negative perceptions of those who are interested in fashion you might have had, and I hope that if you are a fashion-lover (that sounds so 2012) that you embrace it and feel proud of it! It means you're creative and gives you an amazing way to construct your own identity in whatever way you want... But that's a different post all together! Maybe next time!
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion
You're Not Stupid Because You Like Fashion